NAKED: A JOURNEY TO SELF BY ESE ARK.- REVIEW

                           

Naked chronicles the author's life experiences from childhood through womanhood then motherhood. It is truly a journey to self where she went through pain, forgiveness and healing to be free from the shackles of shame and guilt.

She also shared what these experiences meant to her and the teachings she got from them. You are bound to resonate with this book with one or more of the experiences shared.

She starts the book with her birth story based on what she heard from her parents. She proceeds to the next chapter to talk about Family and starts the chapter with this "One of my favourite scientists said that if we trace the lineage of every person alive today we will find that we are all related. We'd find that our ancestors are the same. My question then became what's with the division along lines of race, class, blood and water?" That question was addressed in the book. Also she posted a question worth pondering on "Is blood thicker than water"? It was addressed in this chapter too and what I got from it is that we as human beings are more alike than we are different in spite of all the factors that divides us.

Ese wrote about School - the beginning of group-think and I think a lot of people will connect to it. The chapter explored our ability to conform so easily that we as humans find it hard to evolve from that stage to the next - breakaway stage. Where we end up creating our paths on our own.

"School should be a place where a person learns 'how' to think, not 'what' to think. School should encourage individuality over group thinking".

She also wrote about people pleasing and how like many young women she wanted to be on everyone's good side, how she thought she was inferior to boys and how she often had to package herself in a way that appeals to boys/men. I found this chapter, Chapter 6 really insightful as it explores the different ways boys and girls were brought up and this in turn has created a not so level playing field when they grow to become men and women respectively. At the end of this chapter, a couple of poignant questions were raised and they are worth pondering on.

A chapter each was dedicated to the author's experiences with money, sex and lies. She also wrote about how she sought people's validation in real life and via social media. The act of seeking for validation according to the author was an exhausting process and had to take it off when she had enough. She shared her experience with a therapist and how she became aware of different personality disorders.

"Seeking validation from others is like something hanging around your neck. It weighs you down and stops you from moving as quickly as you would like. What you don't realise is that you can take it off when you realise you don't need it. I took it off when I got tired enough"

Ese also shared her experiences with religion, her questions and factors that turned her to Christianity. There were no details as to how the affair between Ese and the pastor started, but she shared all that she had to go through, how she overcame depression, guilt and shame after the scandal. Some women shared with her stories of  their affairs with their pastors and this one was heart breaking for me

One of them was a teenager who said her mother took all her children to be deflowered by their pastor. She said she knew something was wrong with that experience but she had never been able to share her story because she was afraid and confused.

I found the chapters dedicated to her relationship with her mother titled Pain- The Mother Wound, Marriage and Childbirth really powerful. The flip flop of emotions she had to contend with in her marriage, during child birth and  afterwards were so surreal and these are chapters most women will connect with. She admitted to almost failing in all of these and her ability to admit this is admirable. She was not afraid to share her vulnerabilities and fear during this journey to herself.

I particularly found this excerpt exhilarating

Healing the mother wound was not just helpful to my relationship with my mum and family, it was particularly important for my romantic relationship and how I show up in my world. I haven't gotten it all completely sorted out yet, but I am no longer afraid to live and I will not make myself small on account of any relationships. I have permission to live my best life. That permission comes from being born and it doesn't need any outside approval or validation.
I am enough

Contrary to popular expectations, this book is not a scandalous tell-all book where the writer comes off as a victim - NO!! She fully acknowledged all the paths she had to go through on this journey and it is commendable that she holds no grudge against all the people she encountered. She is shame and guilt free.

It is a well written and honest book penning her experiences and thoughts on factors she encountered on her journey to self . She also shared how she intends to help boys/men, girls/ women on their self discovery journey through her platforms, MTGT and Femina Speaks respectively. While reading this book, I could not help but think it reiterates a statement she made on her very popular blog  post "I AM A WOMAN, I BEND, I DON'T BREAK". These experiences have bent her into the strong and conscious woman she is now.

It will also help you if you are on the journey to self or are about to embark on that journey.

Naked: A Journey to Self is available on Amazon and Okadabooks