SURRENDER AND PERSEVERE

Just going through my drafts on the blog and I saw this post. Don't know why I didn't publish it early on in the year. I hope this resonates with who ever needs it.


Read and Be Inspired!!


On the morning of 28th of August 2016, my youngest son walked into the living room where I sat, he wanted me to turn on the TV, which I did. He fiddled with the channels and somehow got to the YouTube channel. As an Oprah fan, some of Oprah's videos were amongst the suggested ones to watch. He clicked on 'Oprah's Upliftment Speech at the Essence Award'. As he did that, he gave me the remote control and sat down with me to watch it - Now the reason I am sharing this part is because at that time I had started to and still do attach meanings to everything happening in my life. I am a strong believer that things happen for a reason and it is also an opportunity for me to learn. My son can barely sit still for 10 minutes but he did for close to 30 minutes. That has got to mean something, I remembered saying to myself.



The story Oprah shared about herself on this occasion was one I had heard her share a few times.


A little background - She read a book titled 'The colour purple'. She became so obsessed with the thought of acting in the movie no matter how little her role was going to be. She always prayed about it and made enquiries about acting auditions. She was invited to an audition for a movie and on getting there, she asked for the title of the movie and she was told with a different title. She said, she said to the casting director "But I prayed for colour purple, not this one". I think he didn't understand what she meant by that and handed her the script anyway. She recognised the names of one of the characters in the book The colour purple and she knew instantly that the original title of the movie she was auditioning for was The colour purple. After the audition, the casting agent said he will contact her when he has news for her about the audition. After waiting for months without a call from the agent, she decided to call him and he told her in clear terms that he will contact her if he has news for her. He added that she is not even an actress and other actresses who stood a better chance at getting the role aren't disturbing him as much as Oprah was.



This saddened Oprah and she went to the fat farm (A place people go to lose weight back in the day) thinking her weight stood in the way of her getting a role in the movie. She prayed and cried to get a role in this movie but she could not stop thinking about what the agent said "She was not a real actress".
She changed her prayer to be that she will be able to bless the actress that got her part in the movie and be able to go watch it. She sang this song after her prayer - I surrender all.


According to her she felt a shift and felt relieved, almost immediately a woman ran out to meet her on the track where she was and told her someone was on the phone for her. To her greatest surprise, it was the movie director who told her to come see him in his office the next day and that she got a part in the movie - The colour purple.



Like I said before, I had heard that story shared several times, but on this day 28th of August, it meant something to me, it struck a chord in my heart. You see, I was obsessed about a getting a particular job in my organisation, I attended an interview just few days before watching that video and I got a call back that I didn't get the job. It was devastating for me considering that it was my 6th interview.

I work in a big organisation and this role I was obsessed with is required in all the departments across the organisation, so vacancies pop up very often. My obsession with it started in October 2015 when I saw a vacancy for the role and I just knew it was something I could do.

I attended my first interview, I felt I gave it my all but didn't get the job. In December 2015, I attended 3 interviews and was unsuccessful. The excuse they all gave me was that I didn't have enough experience. I was devastated of course but I persevered. I had two invitations for interviews  in January 2016 and I was still unsuccessful. I just said to myself, that I was done applying for these roles.

A statement that was consistent in the feedbacks I got was that I didn't have enough experience. I cancelled the two invitation to interviews I had slated in February. Decided to focus on my present job, gain more experience, be the best that I can be in that role and maybe later on, I'd give applying for new jobs a go.

In June, a similar role came up and I applied, got invited for an interview but didn't get the job, I was not really heart broken this time around partly because it was not my dream Job. I just shrugged and kept checking the website for vacancies.


Three vacancies came up in the month of July and I applied for them all. I was invited for interviews. Two were slated for different days in August and the third one was in September.

I was so optimistic about the first one and I thought I did great. I smiled, looked and talked confidently - so you can imagine my surprise when I got a call that I didn't get the job, reason was that I was not very knowledgeable about the role and department.
To say I was heart broken is sugar coating my state of mind at that time. Time and research went into preparing for this interview and this is the feedback I get? So many thoughts came to mind at that time, could it be that I was just being delusional about thinking I was capable of doing this job? Maybe I am not as good as I think I am? So many questions came to mind but I knew in my heart that I was good and qualified enough for this Job, I just have to be consistent and persevere.




The next interview was a week later and I was resolved not to let the feedback I received from previous interview deter me from doing excellently well. Got a phone call the next day that I didn't get the job but my interviewer added something to the feedback that put my mind at ease. She said I did great at the interview, it's just that they had someone in place and they felt that person was best suited for the role. I did not feel as devastated as I did before but I was this close to cancelling the offer for interview for the last one. I was just tired and emotionally drained, my husband convinced me to just go for it. I had nothing to lose after all. I grudgingly agreed.

After watching Oprah's video, the next day I called the HR department to confirm that I will be attending the interview.
I went fully prepared, the interview went great and I was told by the panel that I will be contacted the next day to let me know if I got the job or not.
I noticed that I was not obsessing about this particular interview like I used to. The next day, I barely thought about it, I said to myself - whatever will be will be. At exactly 2pm I got a call that I.......wait for it - that I got the job!!! I was surprised and the lady who called even said to me, "I am surprised you sound surprised that you got the job. You did excellently well at the interview".



The reason I sounded surprised was because I had gone for quite a number of interviews in the past and I always thought I did well, but I still didn't get them so I thought I was going to get the same feedback I always got.

Looking back now I am glad I persevered and surrendered to God. I did on the 28th of August 2016, I told God that I surrender all to him and I believe he will do me good.



I am glad I didn't give up, I am glad that even though I was eager to leave my former job role, I gave it my all. My dedication to it was still top notch. Most of all I am glad I persevered, learnt from mistakes I made during past interviews and believed that my dream to actually get this job role will come to pass.


If there is anything you are believing God for - I hope you do not give up. Pray, Persevere and Surrender - everything is going to be just fine.



Best Wishes
Bola Awe

Son of My Parents by Tosin Olukuade.

Son of My Parents is a sequel to the author's previous book Son of My Father, click Here for my review.
I looked forward to reading this book as the first book was in honour of Tosin's father, I was eager to read about his parents and maybe get more insights into their marriage and parenting style and I must say I was not disappointed.
This book Son of My Parents was in honour of the author's parents 50th wedding anniversary. Using his parent's experience in marriage, Tosin shared the factors that enabled a lovely and lasting marital relationship between them.
In the first chapter of this book, we are introduced to Tosin's parents and he shed more light on the definition of a parent, and the factors that makes one an exceptional parent, which according to the author, his parents fit that description perfectly

Parenthood, as simply defined, is the state of being a parent and meeting the responsibilities involved.

The author also shed light on the difference between being a parent by the virtue of giving birth to a child and actually being responsible for the child's wellbeing.

The next chapter titled Before the beginning - The Bolekaja ride - is my number one favourite, It gives the readers an insight into the relationship between Tosin's parents before they got married and their friendship with another couple, who later became Tosin's parents Best man and woman at their wedding. It is worthy to note that the friendship that started on the Bolekaja ride is still in existence to date. A chapter was dedicated to the author's parents wedding ceremony with pictures.

Chapter 4, another favourite chapter of mine is titled "HE IS THE HEAD". It is somewhat controversial but worth reading. The author made a remarkable effort in enlightening readers as to who is the head of a Christian home and how the acceptance of that headship can be the bedrock to a successful marital relationship. The author also wrote about the partnership, mutual respect and friendship that existed in his parents marriage based on the acceptance of Christ as the head of their home. He expatiated on that point with this statement.

To buttress this, let's go back to the beginning when God instituted the first marriage between Adam and Eve, He was the head of that marriage, not Adam. Adam and Eve were united as one who were in submission to the will of their Father who was the head of their home. As long as that , God's arrangement for them subsisted, everything was in perfect condition as the creator ordained it to be. They received instruction from their Father and everything was perfect.

He went on to add

Not until that arrangement was scuttled by them yielding a usurper cut off their connection to God the Father and his original plan did the father introduce their new mode of operation as a consequence of their action and not as a matter of his original intention
Therefore he said to the woman, "your desire shall be to your husband and he shall rule over you". This narrative erroneously is what men have practised for donkey years without realising that it's the narrative of the consequence of the fall, not the narrative originally intended by God.
Hence the patriarchal narrative has held sway for a long time and women have continually been at the receiving end of it and that in many cases has been very unpleasant.

This chapter largely emphasised on the oneness and equality of both man and woman in the institution called marriage and how the unity between couple can also be a contributing factor into the success of the union. The author posed a question at the end which is worth pondering on.

Subsequent chapters were interviews conducted by the author with his parents as the interviewee and their Best man and woman at their wedding. It is amazing that they are still friends till date and worthy of celebration is that they are all alive and well.

His parents talked about how they met and how they overcame every challenge that came their way during the course of their 50 years of marriage especially when his dad was diagnosed with glaucoma. As expected it was a trying period for the couple but due to their resolve for a successful marriage, they communicated to one another the best way they knew how and worked their way through it. They also discussed their parenting style in raising blessed and successful children.

I love this advice given by Tosin's mum And to intending couples, more than anything, your values must align before you even mouth the idea of marriage. If your values are not compatible and you decide to go ahead, it would only be a matter of time before that marriage would snap

Their friends also gave an insight to the mutual love and respect that existed between the author's parents during their years of courtship and even when they got married.

Chapter seven Titled For Better, For Worse - A myth or truth? In this chapter, the author's summation in this chapter lends credence to the part that Marriage is for better, for worse. He backed this with verses from the Bible. 
And God the creator of heaven and earth had this to say "I create light and darkness" Definitely, there is a purpose for light and there is a purpose for darkness. So also, I believe there is a place for better for worse.
The author tried in this chapter to make readers understand that no journey in life is devoid of challenges, most especially in marriage and I agree with him. He advocated for unity between couples to overcome all the challenges life throws. 
There were beautiful pictures of the family and a special request by the author's father that was granted, and it was such a sweet and respectful request.

The final chapter was dedicated to the author's experience of his parents. He paid homage to his exceptional parents and wrote about the love and support they gave him over the years. He also wrote about how his take on marriage and how he knows his marriage too will be as successful as his parents and I say a loud AMEN to that.

This book is overall a good read and has insightful advice for new and intending couples.

The Secret Lives of Baba Segi's wives By Lola Shoneyin

I often feel embarrassed when I am asked if I have read "The Secret Lives of Baba Segi's Wives". For some reason the opportunity to read this book has somehow eluded me, even after a failed attempt by my mum to get the book across to me, It landed in another person's hands and I never got it. Recently, I was asked again if I have read this book and I just made a mental note in my head to purchase it as soon as possible. I did!!

This novel is a thought provoking, funny yet tragic one. It contains vivid depiction of tragic events surrounding the characters in gory details. It also highlights injustice girls, women and men face in their every day lives in a society like Nigeria. I am glad that I got to read this novel now because I believe I have evolved to a stage where I can understand clearly the subtle message the writer was trying to pass across. The novel is centred on polygamy.

Lola Shoneyin writes this book with confidence which makes it really engaging and hard to put down. She combines beautifully irony, humour, sensitivity, empathy and karma in her description of the circumstances these characters find themselves in.

Narration in this novel moves from a third person's narrative to a first person and sometimes second person. Some of these narration goes back to the character's past and also present. In my opinion, the narration enables readers to have an insight into the characters, the concealed societal issues of gender inequalities and the complicated daily living arrangement in polygamous homes.
The main characters included Baba Segi, Iya Segi, Iya Tope, Iya Femi and Bolanle - the fourth wife.

These wives except Iya Segi and Iya Tope - 1st and 2nd wives got married to Baba Segi as a way out and all of them felt they were not deserving of marrying a rich and largely ignorant man, hence they did all they could to remain married to him which made them all have a common secret, well except Bolanle.

Baba Segi prioritised his children above his wives and his quest for more children after having seven was what unravelled the secrets his wives had.
The first three wives had a common secret that was common knowledge to three of them and not once did they blurt it out to anyone outside the three of them despite few verbal altercations. Their reluctance to be friendly to the fourth wife because of her 'graduate' status and thereby possibly sharing that common secret with her was probably their undoing.

Baba Segi is described as an uneducated hardworking, relatively successful, ignorant, misogynist and polygamous man who vomits and poops in his pants when he gets upsets. His wives except Bolanle are equally uneducated, ignorant and conniving. For the provision of a home and financial support, his wives, pamper cook, clean for him and massage his ego.

Bolanle (A university graduate) the central character of this book gets married to Baba Segi against her mother's wish and beneath her mother's expectations.
When Bolanle was introduced into the household, as predicted she was not welcomed and to worsen the situation, she didn't get pregnant despite all the 'pounding' she received from Baba Segi. It was funny reading the dialogues she was having with herself as regards the plans she had for everyone in the household. Unfortunately that plan fell flat on arrival!!

The wives especially Iya Segi and Iya Femi did all they could to make Bolanle's stay in their home unbearable, from accusing her of Juju, to banning her friends from coming to visit her, to not allowing Baba Segi to get her an arm chair. That was a priviledge reserved for women with children, they told Baba Segi but due to Bolanle's secret and firm resolve, she didn't bulge, she stayed put in the house.

Her inability to get pregnant upsets Baba Segi, what upsets him more is her snobbish attitude towards alternative medicine and prophets. Her presence in his home has already created tension and unease amongst his wives. He could not place his hand on the cause of unease and tension, after all he shared his time with them equally and based on his myopic thoughts, he thinks if she gets pregnant, there will be less tension.  He finally takes her to the hospital based on the advise he received from his friend 'Teacher', this visit to the hospital reveals all the layers of secrets in his household.

It was heart warming to read that there was no judgement from the health officials when Bolanle revealed her secret and even though Baba Segi had his normal stomach problem after he heard it, not once during the course of reading this book did he reveal it to anyone.

There were a few questions that comes to mind while reading this novel, foremost of them is why will a beautiful university graduate choose to get married to an uneducated and ignorant man who already has a house full of children and wives and who's sense of hygiene is questionable?

Why did the wives feel intimidated by Bolanle's presence in their home?

What was the secret all the wives had?

All these questions and many more that comes to mind were answered in this novel.

I was pleasantly surprised at the tail end of the novel with Baba Segi's edifying response to Akin - his eldest son's statement to him "My father, I want to be a man about this but I fear I am not"

and his response - "Akin, you are more than a man for it is only a true man who acknowledges weakness. Your sister will watch over you from the next world. Know this and let it strengthen you" 

Another pleasantly surprising moment for me was when Bolanle advised Segi when she was out hanging out with her crush and his friends "A real woman must always do the things she wants to do, and in her own time too. You must never allow yourself to be rushed into doing things you're not ready for"

I was slightly disappointed that the wives did not apologise to Bolanle for what they did to her.
It was hard not to feel sorry for Baba Segi as he was also a victim of a patriarchal society alongside his wives and children.

This novel was predictable at the beginning but it took quite a few unexpected twists and turns.
The end was superb and exhilarating. I was superbly pleased for Bolanle , the lessons she learnt and her resolve to be better.

This novel is a feminist delight, a must read for everyone.

NAKED: A JOURNEY TO SELF BY ESE ARK.- REVIEW

                           

Naked chronicles the author's life experiences from childhood through womanhood then motherhood. It is truly a journey to self where she went through pain, forgiveness and healing to be free from the shackles of shame and guilt.

She also shared what these experiences meant to her and the teachings she got from them. You are bound to resonate with this book with one or more of the experiences shared.

She starts the book with her birth story based on what she heard from her parents. She proceeds to the next chapter to talk about Family and starts the chapter with this "One of my favourite scientists said that if we trace the lineage of every person alive today we will find that we are all related. We'd find that our ancestors are the same. My question then became what's with the division along lines of race, class, blood and water?" That question was addressed in the book. Also she posted a question worth pondering on "Is blood thicker than water"? It was addressed in this chapter too and what I got from it is that we as human beings are more alike than we are different in spite of all the factors that divides us.

Ese wrote about School - the beginning of group-think and I think a lot of people will connect to it. The chapter explored our ability to conform so easily that we as humans find it hard to evolve from that stage to the next - breakaway stage. Where we end up creating our paths on our own.

"School should be a place where a person learns 'how' to think, not 'what' to think. School should encourage individuality over group thinking".

She also wrote about people pleasing and how like many young women she wanted to be on everyone's good side, how she thought she was inferior to boys and how she often had to package herself in a way that appeals to boys/men. I found this chapter, Chapter 6 really insightful as it explores the different ways boys and girls were brought up and this in turn has created a not so level playing field when they grow to become men and women respectively. At the end of this chapter, a couple of poignant questions were raised and they are worth pondering on.

A chapter each was dedicated to the author's experiences with money, sex and lies. She also wrote about how she sought people's validation in real life and via social media. The act of seeking for validation according to the author was an exhausting process and had to take it off when she had enough. She shared her experience with a therapist and how she became aware of different personality disorders.

"Seeking validation from others is like something hanging around your neck. It weighs you down and stops you from moving as quickly as you would like. What you don't realise is that you can take it off when you realise you don't need it. I took it off when I got tired enough"

Ese also shared her experiences with religion, her questions and factors that turned her to Christianity. There were no details as to how the affair between Ese and the pastor started, but she shared all that she had to go through, how she overcame depression, guilt and shame after the scandal. Some women shared with her stories of  their affairs with their pastors and this one was heart breaking for me

One of them was a teenager who said her mother took all her children to be deflowered by their pastor. She said she knew something was wrong with that experience but she had never been able to share her story because she was afraid and confused.

I found the chapters dedicated to her relationship with her mother titled Pain- The Mother Wound, Marriage and Childbirth really powerful. The flip flop of emotions she had to contend with in her marriage, during child birth and  afterwards were so surreal and these are chapters most women will connect with. She admitted to almost failing in all of these and her ability to admit this is admirable. She was not afraid to share her vulnerabilities and fear during this journey to herself.

I particularly found this excerpt exhilarating

Healing the mother wound was not just helpful to my relationship with my mum and family, it was particularly important for my romantic relationship and how I show up in my world. I haven't gotten it all completely sorted out yet, but I am no longer afraid to live and I will not make myself small on account of any relationships. I have permission to live my best life. That permission comes from being born and it doesn't need any outside approval or validation.
I am enough

Contrary to popular expectations, this book is not a scandalous tell-all book where the writer comes off as a victim - NO!! She fully acknowledged all the paths she had to go through on this journey and it is commendable that she holds no grudge against all the people she encountered. She is shame and guilt free.

It is a well written and honest book penning her experiences and thoughts on factors she encountered on her journey to self . She also shared how she intends to help boys/men, girls/ women on their self discovery journey through her platforms, MTGT and Femina Speaks respectively. While reading this book, I could not help but think it reiterates a statement she made on her very popular blog  post "I AM A WOMAN, I BEND, I DON'T BREAK". These experiences have bent her into the strong and conscious woman she is now.

It will also help you if you are on the journey to self or are about to embark on that journey.

Naked: A Journey to Self is available on Amazon and Okadabooks

BORN A CRIME BY TREVOR NOAH - REVIEW

If you have been bypassing this book in the bookshops because you think it's one of those shallow, lack of depth books most times written by a celebrity, you are in for a shocker - a positive one. Just do yourself a favour and moonwalk back to that aisle and pick up this book, It is worth it.
                          
Trevor Noah is not only a brilliant and witty comedian, he is also a brilliant writer.  He has a way of drawing you into his world and making you yearn for more of his stories as he serves the pre-ambles as a bait. In the first chapter of the Book - Run. He shared a scary story about how his mum threw him out of a moving car in a successful attempt to save his life. Before he got to the story, he shared some preambles and I like to think of them as baits. These preambles helped readers understand the background behind the story. I almost heard myself screaming in my head arrrrrrrggghhh!!!, get to the part already! and he did. At the end of the chapter I was in awe and admiration of the beautiful friendship and genuine love between  mother and son.
A woman he describes as his first fan. This book is an awesome tribute to the phenomenal woman that gave birth to him.
"For my mother. My first fan. Thank you for making me a man".

Trevor Noah was born in apartheid South Africa and because his dad is a white and his mum black, based on the laws of the land, he was "Born a Crime"

He went through phases where he had to be hidden at home and most times his mum would dress up as a maid to be able to go out with him.

"I didn't have any friends. I didn't know any kids besides my cousins. I wasn't a lonely kid - I was good at being alone. I'd read books, play with the toy that I had, make up imaginary worlds. I lived inside my head. To this day you can leave me alone for hours and I'm perfectly happy entertaining myself. I have to remember to be with people".

He experienced the privilege of being a white man in a black community as he was mostly given preferential treatment. His grandmother found it difficult to beat him as she would his cousins and this was largely due to the colour of his skin.

"A black child, I understand. A black child, you hit them and they stay black. Trevor, when you hit him he turns blue and green and yellow and red. I've never seen those colour before. I'm scared I'm going to break him. I don't want to kill a white person. I'm so afraid. I'm not going to touch him". And she never did"

Trevor Noah is well qualified to talk about racism both from a privilege and oppressed point of view as he has experienced both during the apartheid years of South Africa.

Every Truth of his shared in this book is laced with humour and we get to marvel at not only how brilliant Trevor is as a comedian but also as a writer.

Trevor Noah's life is an apt description of a person who rose from the very bottom of the ladder to the very top. He rose from being a South African township boy to the anchor of one of the biggest shows in the world. As a black South African the odds of being successful was against him. The difference between him and other black kids he grew up with, is his mother. He described her as being rebellious, I think she is a great non-conformist.

"My mom raised me as if there were no limitation on where I could go or what I could do. When I look back I realize she raised me like a white kid - not white culturally, but in the sense of believing that the world was my oyster, that I should speak up for myself, that my ideas and thoughts mattered"

She taught him to be open minded and to question authority. Of course she was not always thrilled when he questioned her authority but unlike most moms she answered his questions to a large extent and sometimes she just says the word Sun'qhela, and that signifies the end of their argument or discussion.
They even devised a means of communication, that allowed both of them opportunity to argue their sides without interruptions. This was especially advantageous for Trevor's Mum as Trevor was quick on his feet with counter arguments. They wrote letters to one another while living in the same house......
Her rebellious nature enabled her and Trevor to thrive in the hostile community they lived in.

He learnt from a very young age that language had a way of connecting people to one another.

"I soon learned that the quickest way to bridge the race gap was through language. Soweto was a melting pot: families from different cultural groups, and thus different homelands. Most kids in township spoke only their home language, but I learned several languages because I grew up in a house where there was no option but to learn them."

Born a Crime is collection of beautifully written stories and a great page-turner. I also think that everyone will one way or the other find a connection with some or just one of the stories.

Who chooses to go to jail instead of facing his mum?
Who goes to a Jewish school to perform and ends his performance with asking the audience to give it up for Hitler?
Who unwillingly goes to church every Sunday morning and does not get home till late at night?
Who takes a whole year to plan for a prom and a date and both end in disaster?
Who was up to mischief and joined other people in looking for the culprit?

Typically, I find it difficult reading books on domestic violence and racism and I must say Born a Crime falls right into that category. On this occasion though, it was not difficult for me to read at all and this is no small measure due to the brilliance of Trevor Noah's writing skill.

Who writes about shit and makes it sound like you are listening to Oprah on one of her super soul sunday session?
Who writes about racism and apartheid in an intriguing yet funny way?
Who writes about his experience in a South African jail in such witty and funny way?

He wrote about his early childhood years, his troubled years in high school- he was unable to fit in with the white kids or mixed race kids like himself, he found solace with other black kids. He wrote about his brief time in jail and his years as a hustler selling pirated CDs and Djing at parties.

He also wrote about his mum's marriage to his step dad and the abuse they both had to endure in the hands of his step dad. The last chapter of the book shed more light on this and I must say that was the part that almost moved me to tears. His mum was failed by the Police and Society. She had to do what was right for herself and children and it almost cost her life.
For the first time while reading the book I sensed Trevor's fear at the thought of losing his mum but mercy said NO!
He was unable to wrap his head around why his mum didn't die. His mum believed God saved her. The doctors said it was a miracle. Even on her hospital bed, they were still able to laugh and bond like the team that they had always been.

This is a compelling book that takes you through the life and experiences of a black person during the apartheid years and mostly after. It can be described as funny, tragic and at the same time have you screaming "Oh dear!! What the hell have you done"?
Every story shared by Trevor in this book, no matter how funny and they aren't all, reiterate the fact that race is a determining factor on all issues in South Africa.
This book is for you, if you are interested in Race, Domestic Violence and the before and After years of Apartheid.

God is not to be blamed.

Late last year, a church building in Akwa Ibom's state capital - Uyo collapsed. It was a sad day for Nigeria as people lost their lives in this unfortunate tragedy.
The response on Nigeria Social media was a little bit surprising. Atheists and non-religious people had a field day saying "the Nigerian god does not care about Nigerians","if God was really omnipotent, why didn't he save the people from dying or even stop the building from collapsing?"

These and many more were questions posed on the weekend of this event. Some of these questions, were borne out of grief and despair of course and some were just in attempt to mock religious people and their god.
There were few calls to the government to set up an inquiry panel to investigate the incident and subsequently prosecute perpetrators.

On the 15th of April 2013, two homemade bombs detonated 12 seconds apart near the finish line of the annual Boston Marathon. Boston is home to some of the best hospitals in the world and medical personnel, alongside bystanders responded swiftly to save lives. FBI and other security personnel went into action as quickly as they could, to arrest the perpetrators of the attack. Any clues the security operatives found that could help in getting these perpetrators arrested was shared with the general public so they could assist in the search for the criminals. Eventually one of the bombers died while trying to escape,the other one was arrested and was subsequently prosecuted.

The number of lives lost was recorded, people who sustained life changing injuries were recorded, people who survived were also recorded. No details were hidden, no speculation of numbers of people that were affected. Accurate numbers were given.

In Nigeria on the other hand, no information on accurate numbers of lives lost, injured and survived. It's all speculation. A pastor of the said church, who was supposed to be ordained as Bishop, supposedly knew that the building was not in good condition. It was alleged that he ignored "a stop work order" by the Uyo Capital City Development Authority (UCCDA) when the building was still in foundation stage of its construction. He ignored another one in 2014 and  subsequently the building collapsed in 2016. What was done to him? Nothing!!  No news of his arrest or prosecution till date.
He instead implored people to pray and blamed the devil for the unfortunate incident.

I remembered Fela Durotoye's Facebook post on the night of the Boston Bombing, he commended the medical personnel and people who swiftly responded to the incident, and added this

"Fact is - Evil people carry out bad things all over the world. But the culture of excellence, preparation, readiness, training, equipment, co-ordination and team work can save so many innocent lives when bad things happen.
So..........We may not be able to prevent the next tragic act of evil......but we can invest more in training and equipping our emergency response teams of the police, firefighters, medical response."

And I will just add that in the Western world, they tend to investigate the cause of man-made and natural incidents and find means to prevent it from reoccurring or work towards reducing the negative impact it will have on people as opposed to praying, blaming the devil and swerving responsibilities.

My husband told me about a documentary he watched weeks ago about the 1985 Bradford city stadium fire - I cannot bring myself to watch that documentary because of all the horrid details he shared with me. It was a scary and tragic incident. It started from a small fire and because of the wooden stands at the stadium at that time and some rubbish underneath some of the stadium's stands, it erupted into a huge one. This fire according to reports lasted just four minutes but the devastation caused was immense. Lives were lost, injured and there were survivors, all recorded accurately. Medical, security personnel and bystanders responded swiftly to the incident.

One of the survivors was Mathew Wildman, he suffered from rheumatoid arthritis and that meant he needed crutches to walk and was helped out of the stadium by a fellow fan - David Hustler. He said "I have never known anything like it, either before, or since. Everybody in the city was devastated, but there was an amazing number of volunteers. I still have terrible memories of the day, but it is the humanity of those that helped us that I reflect on"

They didn't just mourn after this incident or bury their heads in the sand. There was no party for survivors, just urgent medical care. An inquiry was set up and this led to the introduction of new legislation to improve safety at all football stadiums in the UK. Wooden stands and smoking was banned in all sports ground in the UK. The Bradford city club was found to be partially responsible for this incident as they had received letters before the fire incidence highlighting the need for improvement of the stands in the event of a fire outbreak. They had to pay compensation to the families of those who lost their lives or were injured. Till date, there are calls for a new inquiry into the fire incident citing reasons as times have changed and fire investigation techniques have advanced compared to the 80's, another reason was that the inquiry lasted just two weeks and was considered too fast.
Something my husband said that caught my attention and made me ponder about for a bit was the fact that at the end of the documentary, names of people who died was displayed on the screen. I had to conclude that and I say this with all humility and respect to those who lost their lives - the death of every one of them was not in vain.

Every rainy season, residents of a particular area in Lagos state, Nigeria complain about flood issues. Works are sometimes carried out in the summer in preparation for the rainy season but they are mostly substandard. And these badly constructed roads are a recipe for disaster. If something horrible happens, I do not think it is God's fault as some will like to allude to. It is the people's fault who decided to cut corners and do substandard work.

Thinking back to the weekend of the Uyo incident, I could not help but think why people could not see that God was not the problem here but the people. We all serve the same God, after all the Western world introduced God to us and he gave us wisdom to be able to discern right from wrong and freewill to do as we deemed fit.
God gave us and people in the Western world free will to do as we please, as it is with happenings in life, some people use their free will for good and some use it for evil.

I watched a video of Trevor Noah's book review that took place in London last year, and he read a part of his book and I could not help but ponder about it for a while.

"My grandmother always told me that she loved my prayers. She believed my prayers were more powerful, because I prayed in English. Everyone knows that Jesus, who's white, speaks English. The Bible is in English. Yes, the Bible was not written in English but came to South Africa in English so to us, it's English. Which made my prayers the best prayers because English prayers get answered first.
How do we know this? Look at white people. Clearly they're getting through to the right person".
Add to that Matthew 19 vs 14. "Suffer little children to come unto me, Jesus said "For theirs is the kingdom of heaven". "So if a child is praying in English? To White Jesus? That's a powerful combination right there".

It is funny but sad, because this right here is still our present reality.
We all serve the same God, whose only begotten son is Jesus just  like the Westerners. The only difference between us and them is that while we pray our problems away- which is foolish by the way, they tackle their problems head on. They strive for excellence and comfort and are willing to go the extra mile to achieve that.
We are blessed in Nigeria with the three types of resources: Human, natural and Capital. If only those at the helm of affairs could utilise these resources for the good of their citizens, Nigeria too will be able to stand almost as tall as other Western countries. It sickens me when we receive foreign aid because I believe we do not need it.

We must demand accountability, transparency, justice from our leaders, have high and realistic expectations from them. Do our part by being law abiding citizens.

I will end this post with a statement by Fela Durotoye -
Let us all commit to a lifestyle of excellence in all we do as we deliver the future. As we have seen excellence saves lives.

THE MOVIE 13TH - REVIEW

                                                       

I could not bring myself to watch this documentary at once. I had to watch it in bits. It is an emotionally draining one.

In this documentary, young black men and women were beaten, handcuffed violently, old men were beaten, pushed and shoved by white policemen without any form of empathy.
This documentary is mainly, Ava DuVernay's way of linking the past and current mass incarceration of black men in relation to slavery before it was abolished. Extensive research went into the making of this movie and there were evidence to back them all up to prove that slavery has been replaced by mass incarceration of black people. Contributors in this documentary ranged from formerly incarcerated men and women, former and present congressmen, activists, journalists.
Ava DuVernay brings to our consciousness the loop hole in the 13th amendment - a law that was passed to abolish slavery.

The 13th amendment law states that "Neither slavery nor involuntary servitude except as a  punishment for crime whereof the party shall have been duly convicted.....shall exist within the United states, or any place subject to their jurisdiction". The part of the law in bold italics is the loophole Ava sheds more light on in this documentary. It's being greatly exploited by those who benefit from it.

At the beginning of the documentary, we hear President Obama saying "5% of world population are in America, 25% of world prisoners are in America, think about this". 2.3 million Americans are presently in prison and of this number 40.2% are African-American men. I was shocked when it was pointed out that African- American men make up only about 6.5% of the America population. More Shocking was when Cory Booker (New Jersey Senator) explicitly said "Right now, we now have more African-Americans under criminal supervision than all the slaves back in 1850s" - Let that sink in.

The documentary traced the inception of mass incarceration of African- Americans to the 1915 movie by D.W Griffith titled 'The Birth of a nation'. This film portrayed black people as criminals and it got great reviews by critics and white communities leaders. President Woodrow Wilson requested for a private viewing and described it as 'History written with lightening'. In that movie, black men were lynched and were associated with menace. It also encouraged the resurgence of the KKK(Kuh Klux Klan) - who lynched and murdered black men. This movie also made black men to be treated as permanent second class citizens. This prompted a peaceful protest by black men wearing a placard that read "I am a Man"

Black men and women activists were thrown into jail for even peaceful protest and speaking up against police brutality and segregation. Martin Luther King, Malcolm X,  Angela Davies and other activists were declared the most dangerous men and women in the world by FBI Chief at that time J. Edgar.

As Van Jones, CNN political analyst Puts it - "You can tell the story of white leadership in America and never mention the FBI one time, you can't tell the story of black leadership not one without having to deal with the full weight of the criminal justice system weaponising this black descent"
Fred Hampton the leader of the Black Panther was killed at age 21. The policemen who carried his dead body were even pictured laughing. It seemed like a sort of relief to them that a young man whose only weapon of fighting oppression were through his speeches and protest was dead. The system was so afraid of Black men.

The Justice System was so afraid of black leaderships and groups no matter how small they were. So these groups and it's leadership were criminalised, thrown in jail or killed. This coincided with the government plans to rebuild the post-abolition southern economy. Prisoners built and reconstructed the prisons at cheap labour of course.

In the documentary was a video clip of Black Panther Assata Shakur who predicted that "In the next five years, something like three hundred prisons are in the planning stages. This government has the intention throwing more and more people in prison"


This documentary also highlighted how Presidents Nixon and then Regan heightened the problem of racial profiling of black people by starting a war on drugs lending credence to Shakur's prediction. This war on drugs was a subtle way of starting a war on black and brown people. They even used the slogan in their campaigns using it to appeal to more southern white people.

A Regan adviser  - Lee Atwater was quoted as saying "Y'all aint gonna quote me on this. You start out in 1954 by saying nigger. By 68, you can't say nigger - it huts you, it backfires. So you say stuff like forced bussing states rights and all that stuff and you're getting so abstract. Now you're talking about cutting taxes and all of these things are totally economic things and a by products of them is - blacks gets hurt worse than whites"

So it has always being in the plan for white leadership to destroy black men in any way possible, criminalising black men was the way to go for them.
The years of the civil rights movement saw an increase in incarceration of black people and black people began to see being arrested as a noble thing.

The 70's recorded mass incarceration based on the war on crimes spearheaded by past presidents. Black men and women got jail sentences for the possession of cocaine no matter how small, while white people got a judgement that can be described as a slap on the wrist.

It is not as if Black people didn't commit crimes, they did but so did white people. But more attention and publicity was put into the arrests and trials of Black people so even Black people were of the notion that there Brothers ans Sisters were criminals. They were scared and wary of one another.

Then came President Bill Clinton in the 90's, surprisingly his policies birth the current prison system. A crime bill that birthed the expansion of the prisons. He was also responsible for the three strikes law which allowed for repeat offenders to be sentenced to life and to be made to serve 85% of their jail terms.

The three strikes law includes even being arrested for theft or possession of drugs. Clinton's policy in addition to Regan's  mandatory jail sentences for drug crimes saw a large number of black people arrested and jailed. Hilary Clinton supported her husband's three strikes law. I could not help but think that maybe, that act of showing support for her husband's policy contributed to her loss.
Hilary and her husband have both publicly said they regretted that law.

Some black teenagers were wrongfully arrested for raping and leaving a lady jogger for dead in 1989. Donald Trump was  shown in this documentary saying the death penalty should be brought back. He campaigned hard for these teenagers to be killed. He even bought a full paper advert asking that the Death penalty should be brought back. These teenagers were eventually acquitted after serving part of their jail terms thanks to DNA testing.

The thing about been formerly incarcerated is that, it is hard to get a job. Formerly incarcerated men and women are mostly on benefits. The systems was tweaked in a way that once they are out it became hard for them to be employed.

I also wondered why Donald's Trump role in this didn't come back to bite him. He was forgiven for what he did, if not he would not have being voted in - White male privilege maybe.


The concluding part of this documentary also showed Donald Trump while he was campaigning clamouring for the good old days where protesters were carried out in stretcher and criminals beaten. One could not help but think that criminals was his subtle way of referring to Black people.
Police brutality to black people was shown in videos and pictures.Very horrid I must say.


On the whole, if you are interested in the America's prison system, slavery and the injustice meted out to African- Americans, then this is for you. Ava Duvernay covers all aspects of these topics extensively.

FAREWELL TO A PHENOMENAL WOMAN - MICHELLE OBAMA

                                                                         
Prior to 2007/ 2008, I had never heard of the name OBAMA. I was not really conversant with world politics. An excuse I tend to give was that - I was too preoccupied with Nigeria's politics.

I am a huge fan of Hillary Clinton and I wanted the Democratic party nomination for Hillary. It will be great for a woman to become the  president of the most powerful country in the world- I remembered saying to myself.

One day in December 2007 my dad and I were talking about US politics and I told him, I wanted Hillary Clinton to get the nod for the Democratic party presidential primaries. He knows I am a huge fan of Oprah and he said 'Oprah endorsed the other candidate - Senator Barrack Obama'. That was the first time I heard his name. I remember looking disappointed as I asked my dad why Oprah would endorse a man over Hilary, aren't women supposed to support one another?

My dad said something to me then and over the years, I have come to understand the statement he made. My dad said 'When someone like Oprah is asked to choose between supporting one candidate from either her gender or race - (and her gender and race are in minority), I guess the right call will be to choose race because men and women of her race stand to benefit if Obama becomes the president'  I remembered just shrugging. Suffice to say I switched allegiance to Obama because of Oprah. I saw Michelle on the campaign trail but never thought anything about her.

On the night of the election, when Obama walked to the stage to give his victory speech was the day I fell in love with Michelle, she oozed of class, charisma and elegance as she walked out holding the hand of her eldest child. Her smile looked genuine.

I love intelligent and successful women. Michelle ticked those boxes perfectly.

I remembered when she started the initiative to address the issue of obesity in schools and encouraging healthy eating amongst school children. I thought it was brave of her to speak out concerning such an issue. The truth is obesity was and is still a huge problem in America but parents can be overly sensitive when it comes to their children and I was expecting a backlash from the parents and schools, but I guess they were swayed by her charm. Her passion to put an end to obesity was questioned by feminists. They had other expectations for her and felt she was too much of a mum as opposed to being a career woman. Her support for homeless veterans and families of military men and women, which I believed was  noble of her, was questioned as well. She was described as a 'Feminist nightmare'.

Almost everything she did was questioned. She was called derogatory names, her physique was scrutinised. Is she a woman? Is she too strong or weak? Is she feminist enough? Is she an angry black woman? ......just to mention a few. Through all this name calling, Michelle rose and came out of the mud slugged at her looking pristine.                                          
Little did we know that she was living by a motto she was kind enough to share with us at the Democratic party convention that took place last year.
Our Motto is - When they go low, we go high.
                                                                               
She remained focused on what she felt were important issues to her. She attributed this to knowing herself and not listening to distractions. She brought a human side to the office of the First Lady. A human side like we had never seen before, a human side we could relate to.
She opened the doors of the white house to everyone irrespective of race or gender. Like her husband President Obama said about her in his final farewell speech, 'You made the white house a place that belonged to everybody'

I watched in awe and admiration, the video of her 2015 University of Tuskegee commencement speech, She spoke about how she dealt with all the name-calling, how she declined to conform to other people's expectations of her by just being true to herself.

In my opinion, Michelle Obama lived her life in the public eye and still managed to live in her TRUTH.



She laughed when she wanted to, she joked about her husband, herself and even added her children to the mix. She danced, sang, rapped when she wanted to. People looked forward to her interviews on talk shows across USA, because of her fun personality.

The partnership, friendship, mutual respect and love Barrack and Michelle Obama is admirable.

Dear Michelle Obama,
In your  final speech as First lady at this year's School Counsellor of the Year,  you asked 'I hope I have made you all proud'?
I speak for myself and say that I am proud of you, your works and achievements.

Your influence has gone beyond the shores of America and people like me who live miles away have felt your impact.

Reiterating what Oprah said to you at the United State of Women Summit 2016 'The way you handled this office, the way you carried and presented yourself to the women and men of United States reminds me of a line from Maya's book - you make me proud to spell my name WOMAN

I wish you all the best as you start the next chapter of your life.

Farewell Ma'am!!!

CHEERS TO A SUCCESFULL 2017

Happy New Year!!! This is coming a little bit too late - 8 days into the new year, but work just started for me today on the blog. I have being on holiday mode. I had to take time off the blog and social media in October. I had an exam to prepare for, I started a new Job, and my son started reception class in primary school - he found settling down into the new school and adjusting to routine very difficult. All these required my undivided attention so I had to take time off.

Thank God my son is settling down well and he has adjusted well to school routines. I passed my exam, which was a huge relief. I believe I have gotten to the point in my life where Time is more difficult for me to give than money. All I kept thinking about while preparing for this exam was the fact that if I failed it, where will I get the time to retake it? Money was not an issue for me anymore - not that I have loads laying around, but time is of more value to me now. Shout out to all Parents juggling family, work and school together - You guys are the Real MVP!!

There will be few changes on the blog. I am looking to devout more time to the blog and make it more interactive. The blog will be updated every Monday. To encourage visitors on the blog to post comments, there will be 6 recharge cards to be won by active commenters at the end of this month.

All you have to do is regularly post comments on the blog, and the most consistent people get to win recharge cards for network of their choice.
There will be giveaways all through this year and they will be announced at the beginning of the month.

For the month of January, I am reading A RETURN TO LOVE - Reflections on the principles of A COURSE IN MIRACLES. I will be sharing excerpts on this book on my Facebook wall and review it at the end of the month.

As part of the changes to the blog, documentaries and movies will be reviewed on the blog too. I am currently watching a documentary titled 13th by Ava DuVERNAY and will review it sometime this month.

If you will like to review anything of interest to you on the blog, please send me an email or a Facebook message. Suggestions on books, movies and documentaries are welcome.

I will like to end this post with this message that was shared by a friend on Facebook, Number 6 resonated with me. I hope this message resonates with you too and help you in your journey on becoming the best version of yourself.





No matter what you are going through, God's got you!!

Have a Prosperous and Fulfilled 2017

Best Wishes
Bola Awe