When You Know Better, You do Better.

Show of hands if you have done something you regret doing in your twenties? My hands are up in the air!!!! I am guilty of doing things I regret in my 20s, hell I am sure if I gave it a good thought, I have done things in the last few years that I regret doing.

 

Then again, we are humans and we are bound to make mistakes. The main lesson however is learning from these mistakes.

 

So I watched Monica Lewinsky's 'Ted Talks' titled 'The Price of Shame' few weeks ago. She talked about how she fell in love with a married man and had an affair with him. This man was the President of the United States at that time. The affair lasted two years and she was ratted out by Linda Tripp - her colleague, who she  had told about her affair with the President in confidence.

 

The scandal broke in 1998 and this coincided with the advent of the internet. The news of her affair was the talk of the town . She was stalked, trolled and mean comments were made about her and her family.
 

Even though Facebook, Twitter and Instagram were not in existence at the time, there were gossip sites and people posted horrible comments about her. She was quite simply the object of merciless public humiliation.

 

Her mum made her take her bath with the bathroom door open. For her mum to do that, that must have meant that her mum thought her daughter could attempt suicide. Oh my!! What a terrible thought to cross a parent's mind.

 

After watching her appearance on 'Ted Talks', I could not help but think: what would the consequence of her actions have been if the sordid episode had played out in 2015? Just take a minute to imagine if Clinton was the President now and this affair broke out say last year. Would she have managed to survive the scandal?

 

With the power the internet now wields, people are able to incite bullying even from the comfort of their homes. There would have been mean comments from trolls and she would have been stalked from one social media platform to another. Imagine the extent to which journalists would invade her privacy and that of her family, the side-eyes she would have gotten from strangers everywhere she went. The realisation that Lewinsky would have definitely contemplated suicide or even done it, sends shivers down my spine.

 

Lewinsky also talked about Tyler Clementi - a Rutgers University student whose sexual encounter with a male friend was live streamed by his roommate Ravi and friend Wei for everyone online to watch. This happened in 2010. Tyler committed suicide by Jumping off the George Washington bridge following the scandal's emergence into the public domain.

I thought about Linda Tripp the whistle blower, Ravi and Wei. What exactly was their end game? To shame these people? Looking back at how these incidents played out, if given an opportunity to go back in time, would they have repeated what they did? Are they proud of the roles they played? I mean Linda Tripp instigated one of the biggest scandals in the world that severely battered Lewinsky's personality.

Even though there are several schools of thought that suggested that Ravi's and Wei's actions might not have necessarily played a huge part in Tyler's suicide, there is no hiding from the fact that their action triggered it.

 

Unless they are devoid of a conscience, they should regret their action.

 

I strongly believe that they should not be defined by their past actions especially if they are remorseful about it, No one should be defined by their past actions.

I have thought about myself and some of my mistakes. Do I regret them? Oh YES!! If such situations were to happen again, would I react differently? Absolutely!!

A simple yet powerful quote by Maya Angelou just puts all my thoughts into perspective: "When you know better, you do better" she also added "and you should not be judged for the person you were but for the person you are trying to be.

 

I doubt Lewinsky will ever have another affair with a married man - she has said time and time again how she regrets the affair. I hope Linda Tripp never betrays her friends for selfish interest or any interest at all - the honourable thing for Linda Tripp to have done as Monica's friend was to tell her to desist from such behaviour. I hope Ravi and Wei never repeat what they did to Tyler to anybody again.

 

I will endeavour  that the mistakes of my past do not repeat themselves, because now I know better and I will do better.
 

If there is anything you have done in the past that you regret doing, don't be too hard on yourself, forgive yourself and endeavour to do better next time.

That quote by Maya - so simple yet powerful, is liberating. It means you do not have to hold on to that part of your life again, with that simple statement, you can let it go.

 

When you have realised your mistake, tell yourself you didn't know better. It is liberating.

 

Oprah Winfrey said this on one of her shows, I can't remember the words exactly, so I am going to paraphrase - There are no mistakes and regrets in life, they are simply an opportunity to do better next time.

I would like to start a 'When I Knew Better, I did Better' Series. If there are any mistakes or regrets you have had in the past and they made you do better next time, please send an email to me at  Bolaawe@rocketmail.com with your stories, so we can all learn from them.

 

Best Wishes

Bola Awe