FEMINISM - MY OPINION

Feminism as defined in Merriam-Webster dictionary - "is the belief that men and women should have equal rights and opportunities  and as the theory of the political, economic and social equality of the sexes. It does not mean women should receive special treatment or men should be put down in order for women to rise above"


This is the real meaning of feminism, and any other definition besides this should be ignored.
I heard about feminism back in 2008, I read an article where this writer summarised feminists as women who are lesbians, hate men and don't wear bras. I thought about it for a minute, I don't hate men, I am not a lesbian and Hell to the No, I can't be caught not wearing bra. I just made up my mind that, this movement was not for me. I had not gotten used to the fact that I can actually google anything I didn't know about.

Gender equality is the view that both men and women should receive equal treatment and not be discriminated against based on their gender.

Feminism and gender equality are the same. Anyone who advocates for gender equality is a feminist. It is okay if you do no want to be regarded as a feminist, but just know that feminism and gender equality are one and the same thing.





Anyway, I never thought about this topic again until 2013 when I watched Chimamanda Adiche's Tedx talks titled 'We should all be feminist'. I became very interested in this movement and by this time I was used to google and I searched for more articles in relation to this topic. I made up my mind after reading these articles that this movement is definitely a movement I would love to be associated with. 

Because I was a feminist before I even knew what it meant. I have often questioned the disparity in the way society treats women and men.

I made this decision based on the information I gathered and it was not a decision I took lightly.

There are messed up definitions about this topic everywhere and I have come to understand when people say they do not understand what the movement is all about or honestly say they do not get the need for this movement.

I however get really pissed when people try to rubbish the movement or share their ignorant views like Toyin Aimakhu did when she said 'if there's gender equality now, so that means woman can propose to man and man can breast feed babies' or her fellow actress 

Foluke Daramola who claims to be a women's right activist had this to say "I'm sorry I don't think men and women should have equal rights in this case. I think the male should have more than the female, but it should be with proportion, maybe a ratio of 60 to 40. the reason why I think so is because we women tend to be extremely domineering when it comes to issues and sometimes sentimental. Men can be detailed even though we are sometimes. So, there are proportions in all these things. The role of a man can never be over emphasised. Even though I'm a women's rights activists, I still believe in the place of a woman and man. The man is supposed to be a step ahead of the woman; you can never take that away"

Now like I said earlier I do not have a problem with anyone who does not get it or does not get the need for the movement, I however have a problem when you just share ignorant views especially as a public figure who people actually listen to or if you have large followership on social media. Teenagers are on social media and I will hate for them not to be well informed about a movement as important as Feminism. These people have the platform to shed more light on the need for this movement if only they can use that website called 'Google'.

Feminism  has absolutely nothing to do with anybody's marriage, what works for me in my marriage might not necessarily work for even my sister. I believe a couple should make their rules in their marriage and as long as there is no resentment in the marriage, the world is a happy place.

If you are a religious person and your beliefs say "a man is the head of your family" then by all means practice that within your home but don't go around imposing that view on people or making it seem like a universal one.

I think the reason why we Africans are not comfortable with feminism is because we are so fixated on marriage and men. We have being taught over the years that without marriage, a woman amounts to nothing. Marriage is the greatest achievement a woman can ever have. Well, marriage is not. There is more to life than just getting married and having kids. I am aware that some women just want to get married,  have kids and be a stay at home mum. That is great!!! But if you want to do more than that, you should be allowed to do so.

One of the reasons, feminism advocates that financial responsibilities of a home be shared between the couple is because it gives the woman a leg to stand on when she says her man has to do his share of household chores, But if you have a system that works fine for your household- where the man pays all the household bills and you are comfortable doing all the house chores and chipping in a little here and there financially or you are not chipping in at all. As long as you both are happy and there is no resentment between the couple - Great. There is no inequality there.

Feminism comes into people's homes, culture and marriages when there is inequality, domestic violence and abuse.

When an under age girl is married off by adults who are expected to protect her, when the girl child undergoes genitals mutilation, the barbaric tradition of making a widow drink the water used in bathing the corpse of her husband to prove that she didn't kill him, when a woman is prevented from inheriting her late husband's properties or his children from inheriting their late father's properties because they are female, when the girl child is prevented from going to school simply because of her gender, when the girl child is required to conform to societal expectations there by limiting her skills and education to the kitchen and giving birth to children. These are some of the over one million reasons why feminism enters home and marriages.

The reason why it seems to focus more on women is because we live in a patriarchal society and women are most times the ones that are denied these rights based on gender.

Here is another definition of feminism by the urban dictionary

Feminism also by it's nature embraces the belief that all people are entitled to freedom and liberty within reason -including equal civil rights-and that discrimination should not be based on gender, sexual orientation, skin colour, ethnicity, religion, culture or lifestyle.

This means that Feminism respects everyone's culture, religion, belief as long as they do not cause harm to the next person and are legal.
Feminism is for both gender really because it provides choices. It allows a man to be a stay at home dad if he wants to, allows a man to be emotional without being called a wimp, allows a man to be a nurse, chef, ballet dancer and other profession that seem to be for women only.
This also means that a feminist will not scoff or laugh at your religious beliefs, sexual life, career decisions. Feminism gives everyone the right to live in their TRUTH. 

Men and Women can be Feminist. Barrack Obama recently called himself a feminist. The Canadian Prime minister also said he is a feminist.

People tend to mix gender role with  gender equality like the Olori of Ife did. I honestly respect people who admit not to be versed or knowledgeable about certain topics and steer away from it. I am unable to quote her because I can't bring myself to watch that video again else I might smash my phone, so I will just paraphrase.

She started her speech by saying she does not believe in gender equality, and that she cannot ask her husband to give her his crown to wear for a day. She went on to say she is a queen while he is a king, their roles are different, women play a pivotal role in the society so men and women are not equal and can never be equal.

Now, It is obvious that the Olori and the two actresses I quoted above are mixing gender roles with gender equality. Men and Women were created equally but are different because of their sexual parts. A woman has the biological ability to be pregnant because she has a womb and birth a child while the man has the biological ability to impregnate - that is all. We are equal

                                                    

Some time ago, Omotola - A Nigerian actress rubbished the fight for gender equality.
I am so sure that when these actresses feature in a lead role alongside a male actor they will not settle for a less salary oo. Yet they keep rejecting this movement forgetting that if not for gender equality, they won't be on screens or even have the right to pursue their passion without being part of a harem of wives. Ask Ogunde's wives. Special shout out to Mrs Funmilayo Ransome Kuti and other women's right activists who fought for our right to be able to drive, vote and go to school. The work they started is not over yet.

There are girls in the north that do not have the right to go to school. Schools are most times reserved for the male child and daughters of elite people, this is happening in 2016. There is a 12 year old girl in the north who is going to be married off in few days time. There is a 12 year old girl child in the north who just died while giving birth, There is a 14 year old girl who has fistula. There is a 12 year old girl who was raped and could not tell her parents because of fear that she will be blamed. There is a married girl child out there who is continually raped by her husband. There is a girl child who just gave birth to a baby and she died due to the stress from caring for an ailing child. Malala Yousafzai was shot in the face because she wanted to be educated - That is some people's reality. They cannot go to school freely, even if they want to.

There is a woman who just lost her child because her husband was not home to give her the go ahead to take their child to the hospital. There is a woman out there who just lost her life because no one could take her to the hospital because her husband is out of town. There is a man dead in the hospital because his harem of wives relied on him financially and are not empowered to take decisions concerning his healthcare in the hospital. There is a boy out there who desperately wants to be a make up artist but cannot because of what society will say. There are boys in the northern part of Nigeria who were born into poor families but are not entitled to education because they are not children of the elite - They go on to become almajiris.

There is a boy who just lost his dad and sister in a car crash but he is told not to cry because Men do not cry. He goes around with a repressed feeling and emotion. There is a father who desperately wants to hug his girls but society says a man should not be emotional. There is a man who wants to have relationship with his child but he is not allowed to do so because tradition insists he must marry the mother of his child, irrespective of how he feels towards her.

There is a girl who does not want to get married or have children, but society tells her it is impossible. There are women who desperately wants to leave an abusive marriage or relationship, but are scared of lack of emotional and financial support



Feminism is not about you in your perky and cute beautiful house with perfect lawn, children and cars. It is not about you who is happy being married to a man who beats and cheats on you but decides to stick with the marriage because he meets all your financial needs. It is not about you whose husband gives a black eye but takes solace in the fact that your next trip to Dubai and Paris is nicely paid for, It is not about you who is so desperate to be married that you have to conform to societal expectation of you, It is not about you who desperately needs a validation from a man so you compromise till all you have left is a bitter self - If you are happy being in all these situations, best believe feminism is not fighting for you at all.

It is not about me whose parents believed that I was entitled to education irrespective of gender. My dad believed we were entitled to education so much that he set up an education trust fund for us. It is not about me who by default my parents believed getting me educated means I could contribute to the betterment of my community as much as the next boy child. It is not about me who went to school and never lacked financial and emotional support from my parents. They ensured I was comfortable in school.

You see those girls and boys I wrote about above, the men and women, Feminism is about them. Some women fought for our rights to be able to come on social media to express our opinions. There are climes where women are not allowed to have an opinion. It is our turn now to fight for the rights of these people. Use your social media platform to enlighten people. There are impressionable teens out there hoping to find meaning to this movement.


Feminism advocates for access to education, healthcare for all children, equal pay for men and women, black and white. Feminism advocates for affordable childcare, so that caring for a child will not hinder a woman's right to progress in her chosen career or business.
Feminism advocates for men to be more involved in their children's lives and in the home.

I have heard supposedly learned women who strongly believe they are not equal to men. That is so wrong. You are equal but different.

If I have the same qualification as a man and we both apply for the same job, It will be unfair for anyone to disqualify me because of my gender.
My Parents denied themselves of some luxury just so that I can be well educated. I now look at them, after all their sacrifices and tell them that I do not think myself and the boy in my class are equal.
Why? They might ask and then I 'll say - It is because he is a boy I can't even imagine the expressions on their face




I was surprised to know that the British women had to fight for their rights to vote.
They got the rights to vote in 1918. If you live in the UK and you are supporting Hilary Clinton to become the first female president of the United States of America and you are against gender equality in Nigeria, you are a hypocrite.

In January 2012, I was barely 4 months pregnant, I fell ill and had to be on bed rest. I was paid my full salary from January till May. My maternity leave salary started in June when I had my baby. I was entitled to 9 months maternity leave and an option to add another 3 months. I was paid 90% of my salary for 8 weeks, and half for the rest of the 7 months. I was never scared that I was going to loose my job during maternity leave. When it was time for me to go back to work, I was asked to choose hours and times that suits me.

This benefit I enjoyed didn't just happen. Women fought for my right. My husband too was entitled to two weeks paid paternity leave with an option to use out his annual leave, if he so wish. He was entitled to go with me for ante natal appointment and he was paid. These benefits didn't just happen, some people advocated for this rights. This benefit encourages bonding between couple.

It will be great if this benefit exists in Nigeria too.

It will, if we all unite as one and advocate for gender equality, put an end to the bickering's, and stop getting involved in petty fights that will not enhance our cause. There is strength in our unity.

Let Us Rise Together

This definition of Feminism by Urban dictionary is for my friend Sumbo -

Feminism is the belief that all people are entitled to the same civil rights and liberties and can be intellectual equals regardless of gender. However, you should still hold the door for a feminist; this is known as respect or politeness and need have nothing whatever to do with gender discrimination