A CALL TO ACTION - Women, Religion, Violence and Power

That this book was written by a devout Christian,White American Man is remarkable. The title absolutely justifies the content. It is a call to action. This book is capable of riling up emotions. It is a 200 page book with detailed and vivid description of the violence and abuse experienced by women all over the world.
Instead of retiring to a country home after the end of his political career, Jimmy carter set up the Carter Foundation and travelled all around the world advocating for human rights, campaigns to put an end to Diseases In African countries and monitoring elections. His peaceful works was recognised and he won the Nobel Peace Prize in 2002

Jimmy Carter seemed like a man with a goal to give an unbiased report on violence against women caused mostly by Religion, Race and Power. This report consist of over 30 years worth of experience he gathered while traveling all over the world with his wife - Rosalyn, the works done by the Carter foundation and his time as the governor of Georgia and president of the United States of America. A lot of research went into writing this book with statistics to back it up to prove that we indeed live in a patriarchal society. Anyone who cares deeply about religion will find it disturbing and sad that religion is used repeatedly to cause physical and mental abuse to women.


He started off the book by describing his childhood years, he grew up in a predominantly African American rural community. He was taught to respect women irrespective of their race. Due to his interaction with his friends in the community most of whom were black, He was immersed into the African American culture. He often went to a nearby town to sell peanuts and would occasionally listen to men talk about their sexual exploits with other men's wives shamelessly and about how much a whore cost. It was a shock to him because of his upbringing to respect women. Most of these men were white and they preferred black women and during this time, interracial contact was a taboo.

This was of course mind boggling to a young Jimmy at that time and upon reflection he often wondered why these white men felt comfortable having sex with black women but failed to interact with them in public on the premise that black people were inferior to white people. This statement probably explains why.

Even those in the dominant class who disagreed with these presumption remained relatively quiet and enjoyed the benefits of the prevailing system.

Religious leaders back then preached about how it was God's will for white people to be superior to black people and they had religious scriptures to back it up. Of course that was a huge misinterpretation of the scripture.

He explained that racism in present times is not as high as it used to be but it is replaced by what is now a global problem -Violence against women. This stemmed from the presumption that women are not equal to men and how religious leaders use selected verses to justify that premise.

There has long been a distinction in societal attitudes towards men and women who engage in extra or pre marital sex

The writer lend credence to the above statement by sharing the story of a lady culled from Christian Ethics today about a young Canadian lady who at nineteen was a devout and unmarried Christian lady and was publicly humiliated by her pastor when he learnt she had pre marital sex. In the presence of young people, the pastor wanted to teach her a lesson and made this analogy; he passed round a glass of water and had each person in the gathering to spit into the water, and then asked 'Who wants to drink this?'
This part I have to say, infuriated me, because the message the pastor was trying to pass to her was that she was worthless on the basis of this act, nothing was done to the man who she had sex with of course. I was happy to read in the book that she is happily married with children and shares this story to young women to encourage them that they are not damaged or unworthy of love from a decent man in spite of their past.
The writer described that when he was a teenager, it was ok for boys to be engaged in premarital sex and the girls were not. Very few girls did not conform. The norm was for girls to wait till their wedding night before having sex and this he observed with his wife Rosalyn.

It would have been completely out of character for her to do otherwise, but I was reluctant to let other men know that I was a virgin, feeling that it was somehow a reflection on my manhood

Different societal standards and expectations  still exist for boys and girls. He ended this chapter with this

I still believe that abstinence is the best choice for both, but condemnation and disgrace are not appropriate, and there should not be any distinctions in rules of behaviour for males and females

Mr Carter also talked about why he was committed to making peace through dialogue instead of going to war during his time as the president. He wrote with pride about how no gun shots were fired, bombs dropped during his tenure as president and he chose peaceful resolution instead of going to war. His reason for this was because women and children were always the worst casualties in war times. They were always sexually and physically abused or killed.

After his time as president, America has gone to war countless times without considering other peaceful options. He added that American Christians justified this act of always going to war with a verse in the scripture 'An eye for an eye' which he says has become more important than the teachings of Jesus as the prince of peace.
This incessant war by America has somehow triggered the advent of  religious extremist from some parts of the world.

The writer also wrote about his church the Southern Baptist Church of which he had been a member since he was a boy. He was a bible study teacher, deacon and was fully involved in the church's activities. The debate of 'If men and women are equal in the sight of God' has always being a topic for debate in his church and during a convention held in the year 2000, the delegates voted that women should not be allowed to be Bible school teachers, pastors and deacons. Any Bible class for children that had even one boy was not to be taught by a woman. He said, himself and his wife had to come to the conclusion that these new laws set by the church does not suit them and that was how the relationship with his church ended.
Some Bible verses were used to justify their action especially books written by St Paul. Mr Carter however made a compelling case against the premise that men and women are not equal. He gave examples of how Jesus prevented a woman who was accused of committing adultery from mob attack and how he freely interacted with women and treated them same way he treated men. He quoted Galatians 3 vs 26-28

 So in Christ Jesus you are all children of God through faith, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus

I honestly do not get why people prefer to live by the old testament. Jesus died on the cross so we can be free, liberated and not subjected to condemnation. As Christians we are encouraged to live a Christ like life and be guided by the principle of

'Do unto others as you will like others to do to you'.
It was interesting to know that this principle is a guiding principle for almost all religions of the world

He also wrote about Discrimination against poor women, black women and the disabled. These group of people were sentenced to prison so easily while white men enjoyed the privilege of being white by getting off the hook with help of well experienced lawyers who got them off or a jail term that can only be described as a slap on the wrist.

Sexual assault and rape is prevalent in respected institutions like the army and universities. Girls who were often raped, never report it for fear of stigmatisation and also because the abusers were never convicted. Statistics of rapes that go unreported in this institution was staggering .

In this book, I got a glimpse of how highly placed people in the society can use their influence for good. Mr Carter had to personally get involved in several cases of violence and sexual abuse against women when he was in power and afterwards.

Some abuses against women that I was completely oblivious of their existence were, The genocide of girls, - Yeah, you read that right!! 'Honor' Killings, Child marriage and dowry deaths. Genocide of girls is prevalent in countries like India and China. Girls were strangled to death by their mothers in most cases, because It was considered useless to have a girl. They believed that it was useless taking care of the girl child. In recent times, with the help of technology the girl child is usually aborted at foetal stage.
'Honor' Killings was actually a shock to me because I thought this was a practice that took place thousands of years ago due to ignorance but No it is still happening in some Asian countries. When a girl is raped, she is said to have brought shame to her family so she is  killed by members of her family. This of course was justified with religious scripture.

Since girls are considered to be a burden on the family and unmarried ones an embarrassment, many families are willing to go bankrupt to get them married. As a result, thousands of these women suffer

Poor families who find it hard to feed their children, go through all sorts to get their children married off. In India, the bride's family is expected to pay dowry, when these parents are unable to pay the money they promised the groom or give the gifts they promise, the groom kills the bride out of anger and they are rarely convicted. Most times the brides are killed because they are not virgins.
Girls who are less than 15 years of age are more likely to die while giving birth or lose the child. This is the sad reality in countries like this.

He wrote about Politics, Pay and Maternal Health. Women are still denied equal participation in politics. Although the numbers have increased over the years. Surprisingly, countries like India, Liberia, Philippines, Britain and Nicargua have had women served as presidents and prime ministers, the United States is said to be behind as very few women get elected to public offices or are offered the opportunity to serve the country.

A particular chapter I found very interesting - not in a good way was chapter 12. Thabo Mbeki the former President of South Africa outrightly rejected the use of antiretroviral treatments for pregnant women who were HIV positive. This treatment was to prevent the unborn child from being infected. Mr Mbeki rejected this treatment for his people on the grounds that

'They were likely to be toxic and were being foisted on innocent black people by white leaders from western nations'

I mean imagine, putting lives of citizens who he swore to protect at risk because of an excuse like that. If it was a close family member that was infected, will he take that stance?
The amount of work, Mr Carter and his foundation has done especially in African countries makes me wonder what exactly African Leaders do with all the money derived from the continent. He is sometimes faced with resistance from these leaders. He wrote about how he and Thabo Mbeki almost came close to blows because of their separate stance on the antiretroviral treatment. Well the treatment was finally given to these women with the help of Nelson Mandela.
It is not all gloom in the book, a part that made me smile I must say is when he described how he helped tackle the blinding trachoma spread in Ethiopia caused by flies and affected millions of people, the carter centre built latrines for the communities and by the end of 2012, they had built  2.9 million latrines in Ethiopia.

I am proud of my growing reputation as the world's most preeminent sponsor of latrines

I am sure he had a smile on his face as he penned that down.

Mr Carter outlined 23 action plan at the last chapter to stop Gender and Race discrimination, I watched an interview he granted after the launch of his book and he said he sent copies of this book to various world and religious leaders and some of them sent replies and promised to do something about this global problem - Violence against women.

I am however surprised that there was no mention of gun control in this book.
It is amazing that through all of this, his faith in God is still unwavering.

Overall, It is recommended for every one who is passionate about gender equality, fairness, world peace and justice.

FEMINISM - MY OPINION

Feminism as defined in Merriam-Webster dictionary - "is the belief that men and women should have equal rights and opportunities  and as the theory of the political, economic and social equality of the sexes. It does not mean women should receive special treatment or men should be put down in order for women to rise above"


This is the real meaning of feminism, and any other definition besides this should be ignored.
I heard about feminism back in 2008, I read an article where this writer summarised feminists as women who are lesbians, hate men and don't wear bras. I thought about it for a minute, I don't hate men, I am not a lesbian and Hell to the No, I can't be caught not wearing bra. I just made up my mind that, this movement was not for me. I had not gotten used to the fact that I can actually google anything I didn't know about.

Gender equality is the view that both men and women should receive equal treatment and not be discriminated against based on their gender.

Feminism and gender equality are the same. Anyone who advocates for gender equality is a feminist. It is okay if you do no want to be regarded as a feminist, but just know that feminism and gender equality are one and the same thing.





Anyway, I never thought about this topic again until 2013 when I watched Chimamanda Adiche's Tedx talks titled 'We should all be feminist'. I became very interested in this movement and by this time I was used to google and I searched for more articles in relation to this topic. I made up my mind after reading these articles that this movement is definitely a movement I would love to be associated with. 

Because I was a feminist before I even knew what it meant. I have often questioned the disparity in the way society treats women and men.

I made this decision based on the information I gathered and it was not a decision I took lightly.

There are messed up definitions about this topic everywhere and I have come to understand when people say they do not understand what the movement is all about or honestly say they do not get the need for this movement.

I however get really pissed when people try to rubbish the movement or share their ignorant views like Toyin Aimakhu did when she said 'if there's gender equality now, so that means woman can propose to man and man can breast feed babies' or her fellow actress 

Foluke Daramola who claims to be a women's right activist had this to say "I'm sorry I don't think men and women should have equal rights in this case. I think the male should have more than the female, but it should be with proportion, maybe a ratio of 60 to 40. the reason why I think so is because we women tend to be extremely domineering when it comes to issues and sometimes sentimental. Men can be detailed even though we are sometimes. So, there are proportions in all these things. The role of a man can never be over emphasised. Even though I'm a women's rights activists, I still believe in the place of a woman and man. The man is supposed to be a step ahead of the woman; you can never take that away"

Now like I said earlier I do not have a problem with anyone who does not get it or does not get the need for the movement, I however have a problem when you just share ignorant views especially as a public figure who people actually listen to or if you have large followership on social media. Teenagers are on social media and I will hate for them not to be well informed about a movement as important as Feminism. These people have the platform to shed more light on the need for this movement if only they can use that website called 'Google'.

Feminism  has absolutely nothing to do with anybody's marriage, what works for me in my marriage might not necessarily work for even my sister. I believe a couple should make their rules in their marriage and as long as there is no resentment in the marriage, the world is a happy place.

If you are a religious person and your beliefs say "a man is the head of your family" then by all means practice that within your home but don't go around imposing that view on people or making it seem like a universal one.

I think the reason why we Africans are not comfortable with feminism is because we are so fixated on marriage and men. We have being taught over the years that without marriage, a woman amounts to nothing. Marriage is the greatest achievement a woman can ever have. Well, marriage is not. There is more to life than just getting married and having kids. I am aware that some women just want to get married,  have kids and be a stay at home mum. That is great!!! But if you want to do more than that, you should be allowed to do so.

One of the reasons, feminism advocates that financial responsibilities of a home be shared between the couple is because it gives the woman a leg to stand on when she says her man has to do his share of household chores, But if you have a system that works fine for your household- where the man pays all the household bills and you are comfortable doing all the house chores and chipping in a little here and there financially or you are not chipping in at all. As long as you both are happy and there is no resentment between the couple - Great. There is no inequality there.

Feminism comes into people's homes, culture and marriages when there is inequality, domestic violence and abuse.

When an under age girl is married off by adults who are expected to protect her, when the girl child undergoes genitals mutilation, the barbaric tradition of making a widow drink the water used in bathing the corpse of her husband to prove that she didn't kill him, when a woman is prevented from inheriting her late husband's properties or his children from inheriting their late father's properties because they are female, when the girl child is prevented from going to school simply because of her gender, when the girl child is required to conform to societal expectations there by limiting her skills and education to the kitchen and giving birth to children. These are some of the over one million reasons why feminism enters home and marriages.

The reason why it seems to focus more on women is because we live in a patriarchal society and women are most times the ones that are denied these rights based on gender.

Here is another definition of feminism by the urban dictionary

Feminism also by it's nature embraces the belief that all people are entitled to freedom and liberty within reason -including equal civil rights-and that discrimination should not be based on gender, sexual orientation, skin colour, ethnicity, religion, culture or lifestyle.

This means that Feminism respects everyone's culture, religion, belief as long as they do not cause harm to the next person and are legal.
Feminism is for both gender really because it provides choices. It allows a man to be a stay at home dad if he wants to, allows a man to be emotional without being called a wimp, allows a man to be a nurse, chef, ballet dancer and other profession that seem to be for women only.
This also means that a feminist will not scoff or laugh at your religious beliefs, sexual life, career decisions. Feminism gives everyone the right to live in their TRUTH. 

Men and Women can be Feminist. Barrack Obama recently called himself a feminist. The Canadian Prime minister also said he is a feminist.

People tend to mix gender role with  gender equality like the Olori of Ife did. I honestly respect people who admit not to be versed or knowledgeable about certain topics and steer away from it. I am unable to quote her because I can't bring myself to watch that video again else I might smash my phone, so I will just paraphrase.

She started her speech by saying she does not believe in gender equality, and that she cannot ask her husband to give her his crown to wear for a day. She went on to say she is a queen while he is a king, their roles are different, women play a pivotal role in the society so men and women are not equal and can never be equal.

Now, It is obvious that the Olori and the two actresses I quoted above are mixing gender roles with gender equality. Men and Women were created equally but are different because of their sexual parts. A woman has the biological ability to be pregnant because she has a womb and birth a child while the man has the biological ability to impregnate - that is all. We are equal

                                                    

Some time ago, Omotola - A Nigerian actress rubbished the fight for gender equality.
I am so sure that when these actresses feature in a lead role alongside a male actor they will not settle for a less salary oo. Yet they keep rejecting this movement forgetting that if not for gender equality, they won't be on screens or even have the right to pursue their passion without being part of a harem of wives. Ask Ogunde's wives. Special shout out to Mrs Funmilayo Ransome Kuti and other women's right activists who fought for our right to be able to drive, vote and go to school. The work they started is not over yet.

There are girls in the north that do not have the right to go to school. Schools are most times reserved for the male child and daughters of elite people, this is happening in 2016. There is a 12 year old girl in the north who is going to be married off in few days time. There is a 12 year old girl child in the north who just died while giving birth, There is a 14 year old girl who has fistula. There is a 12 year old girl who was raped and could not tell her parents because of fear that she will be blamed. There is a married girl child out there who is continually raped by her husband. There is a girl child who just gave birth to a baby and she died due to the stress from caring for an ailing child. Malala Yousafzai was shot in the face because she wanted to be educated - That is some people's reality. They cannot go to school freely, even if they want to.

There is a woman who just lost her child because her husband was not home to give her the go ahead to take their child to the hospital. There is a woman out there who just lost her life because no one could take her to the hospital because her husband is out of town. There is a man dead in the hospital because his harem of wives relied on him financially and are not empowered to take decisions concerning his healthcare in the hospital. There is a boy out there who desperately wants to be a make up artist but cannot because of what society will say. There are boys in the northern part of Nigeria who were born into poor families but are not entitled to education because they are not children of the elite - They go on to become almajiris.

There is a boy who just lost his dad and sister in a car crash but he is told not to cry because Men do not cry. He goes around with a repressed feeling and emotion. There is a father who desperately wants to hug his girls but society says a man should not be emotional. There is a man who wants to have relationship with his child but he is not allowed to do so because tradition insists he must marry the mother of his child, irrespective of how he feels towards her.

There is a girl who does not want to get married or have children, but society tells her it is impossible. There are women who desperately wants to leave an abusive marriage or relationship, but are scared of lack of emotional and financial support



Feminism is not about you in your perky and cute beautiful house with perfect lawn, children and cars. It is not about you who is happy being married to a man who beats and cheats on you but decides to stick with the marriage because he meets all your financial needs. It is not about you whose husband gives a black eye but takes solace in the fact that your next trip to Dubai and Paris is nicely paid for, It is not about you who is so desperate to be married that you have to conform to societal expectation of you, It is not about you who desperately needs a validation from a man so you compromise till all you have left is a bitter self - If you are happy being in all these situations, best believe feminism is not fighting for you at all.

It is not about me whose parents believed that I was entitled to education irrespective of gender. My dad believed we were entitled to education so much that he set up an education trust fund for us. It is not about me who by default my parents believed getting me educated means I could contribute to the betterment of my community as much as the next boy child. It is not about me who went to school and never lacked financial and emotional support from my parents. They ensured I was comfortable in school.

You see those girls and boys I wrote about above, the men and women, Feminism is about them. Some women fought for our rights to be able to come on social media to express our opinions. There are climes where women are not allowed to have an opinion. It is our turn now to fight for the rights of these people. Use your social media platform to enlighten people. There are impressionable teens out there hoping to find meaning to this movement.


Feminism advocates for access to education, healthcare for all children, equal pay for men and women, black and white. Feminism advocates for affordable childcare, so that caring for a child will not hinder a woman's right to progress in her chosen career or business.
Feminism advocates for men to be more involved in their children's lives and in the home.

I have heard supposedly learned women who strongly believe they are not equal to men. That is so wrong. You are equal but different.

If I have the same qualification as a man and we both apply for the same job, It will be unfair for anyone to disqualify me because of my gender.
My Parents denied themselves of some luxury just so that I can be well educated. I now look at them, after all their sacrifices and tell them that I do not think myself and the boy in my class are equal.
Why? They might ask and then I 'll say - It is because he is a boy I can't even imagine the expressions on their face




I was surprised to know that the British women had to fight for their rights to vote.
They got the rights to vote in 1918. If you live in the UK and you are supporting Hilary Clinton to become the first female president of the United States of America and you are against gender equality in Nigeria, you are a hypocrite.

In January 2012, I was barely 4 months pregnant, I fell ill and had to be on bed rest. I was paid my full salary from January till May. My maternity leave salary started in June when I had my baby. I was entitled to 9 months maternity leave and an option to add another 3 months. I was paid 90% of my salary for 8 weeks, and half for the rest of the 7 months. I was never scared that I was going to loose my job during maternity leave. When it was time for me to go back to work, I was asked to choose hours and times that suits me.

This benefit I enjoyed didn't just happen. Women fought for my right. My husband too was entitled to two weeks paid paternity leave with an option to use out his annual leave, if he so wish. He was entitled to go with me for ante natal appointment and he was paid. These benefits didn't just happen, some people advocated for this rights. This benefit encourages bonding between couple.

It will be great if this benefit exists in Nigeria too.

It will, if we all unite as one and advocate for gender equality, put an end to the bickering's, and stop getting involved in petty fights that will not enhance our cause. There is strength in our unity.

Let Us Rise Together

This definition of Feminism by Urban dictionary is for my friend Sumbo -

Feminism is the belief that all people are entitled to the same civil rights and liberties and can be intellectual equals regardless of gender. However, you should still hold the door for a feminist; this is known as respect or politeness and need have nothing whatever to do with gender discrimination

Living Amazed Journal - The Review

I actually started proper journaling after I graduated from University. I wanted to be able to write about life after graduation by documenting my daily experiences and thoughts at that moment on any issue. My entries were done at the end of each day not religiously though. I missed quite a number of days.

I stopped journaling in 2008 - blog post for another day.

Whenever I went through my note book just to see my past entries, I was in awe at how far I had come in life and it enabled the act of self reflection in my life. Self reflection has being a life long spiritual practice of mine, It helped me learn from experiences and aim to be a better person.

After I had my baby in 2015, I felt an emptiness and a strong desire to grow spiritually to fill the void I was feeling. I thought long and hard about practices that will enhance my spiritual life.

I came up with prayers and self reflection (of recent I discovered mindfulness - still working on that). I love to pray and I am a testament that prayers works. I knew in my heart that practicing these two will be difficult if not impossible without journaling. I bought note books to start journaling, but was unable to commit and as always, I came up with series of excuses why I was unable to and felt justified.

I never thought I was going to go back to journaling even after my friend and Life coach Detola published her journal. I didn't buy it then. My reason was that, I was never going to use it anyway. I participated in a Facebook food group competition some months ago and my surprise prize was the journal - Thank you Traycee. I was blown away by the beauty of this spiral bound book when it was delivered.

It comprises of  5 sections where you write :

Things you are grateful for -3
Things I would like to accomplish today
My declaration for today
I am praying for
Praise reports

There are also Bible verses and declarations on alternate pages.
There is also a page with a guide on how to use this journal.


I didn't start writing on the journal from the first day. I remembered starring at the part where I was supposed to write three things I was grateful for and I could not think of one spectacular thing. But I remembered what Oprah said about gratitude journal on one of her shows - if you cannot remember one thing to be grateful for, "be grateful for the air you breathe and the ability to do so on your own" so I wrote - I am grateful for the gift of life for myself and family'

That was my gratitude entry on the first four pages

I would have to thank my friend Ese. She shared her gratitude journal for the day on Facebook and it made me think for few minutes about things I was grateful for on that day. I remembered that my teenage sister had shared with me earlier on that day that she had gotten an internship position in a big company.
I was so happy about that and grateful that she knew that there was more to life than just taking selfies with a pouted mouth...........lol!!!

That was how it became a sort of ritual for me and it takes less than 15 minutes of my time in the mornings.

It has become  kinda therapeutic for me when after prayers and meditation in the morning, I fill out the sections 2,3 and 4. It helps me organise my day and work towards my goals. I start my day with an intent and purpose.

I use the note section to articulate my thoughts for the day. Share my worries and anxiety with God honestly and this helps me fill the praise report section at the end of the day.

There is also a sense of peace, contentment and accomplishment  I feel when I fill out the three things I am grateful for and praise report sections before going to bed. I tend to go to bed with a smile on my face.

Looking back at my entries from when I started till now fills me with a sense of gratitude for those little things that I used to take for granted before I started journaling.

Allow me to share one of my journal entries, I almost chopped off one of my fingers while chopping peppers on a Saturday morning, the knife I was using was new.  I had purchased it the previous day - It chopped off my nail instead. Thank God for long nails somebody!!!

If I had chopped off my finger that day, it would have ruined our plans of going to the zoo, I would have spent almost the whole day in the A& E maybe in pains or in horror at the sight of my blood. I thought about my kids, it would have scared them and so many other things came to mind......Phew!! I am grateful.

Gratitude has the power to transform lives, I worry less now and pray more as I remind myself of this quote by Steve Harvey - 'If you pray about it,don't worry about it'.


Journaling helps in the act of self reflection. Self reflection leads to self awareness and self awareness leads to living a more purposeful driven and spiritual life.

If you make the decision to start journaling today, you can use any type of journal really or notebook but I recommend this Living Amazed Journal because it is already divided into sections - which makes it easy to use. It is packed with declarations and bible verses to see you through the day, It is colourful and looks really stylish.

You can click HERE to purchase one and If you are still in doubt about if Journaling is right or wrong for you, Read this ebook on journaling by Detola  HERE

I really hope you make the decision to start journaling today and I hope you notice a positive and  significant change in your life.

Best Wishes
Bola Awe

RELIGIOUS TOLERANCE

It is a shame really that some bad eggs in the religious circle have continued to bring shame to religion and God.
I am a Christian, a thinking Christian who studies the Bible. I believe in God and I believe he is love.

At this stage of self-awareness in my life, my spirituality is more important to me than religion. Religion to me is the way I worship God. I worship him through singing, praying, studying the Bible and other practices accustomed to Christianity.

 

Spirituality to me means trying to connect to God on a one on one basis. This picture just summarises my thoughts on Religion and Spirituality.

 

 

 

Having said that, if I was asked to make a wish for the world and its inhabitants, it will be for us as inhabitants of the world to tolerate one another regardless of race, gender or religious differences.

Abide by the principle of 'Do unto others as you will like them to do to you'. This principle, according to notable religious scholars is found in almost all the major religions of the world and this suggests that almost all religions preach and advocate tolerance.

 

I believe there are several ways to connect to God. There are several paths to connecting to God and religion is a path to God. In a world of over 7 billion people, we can't all go through the same path to our destination. Our destination here is God. I do not believe one path is better than the other as they can all lead us to God. The focus should be on our destination not our paths.

 

We are bound to have different views, practice different religions, have different belief systems. We can thrive in our differences by tolerating and respecting one another.

 

There have been some religiously- motivated attacks in the past few months. The attackers claim they are fighting or defending their god. Whatever god you worship and hold in reverence does not need you, a mere human being, to fight or defend him/her.

 

I describe the God I serve as love, the creator of the universe and everything in it. The heaven is his throne, the earth is his footstool. He has the power to do and undo. So again, why will I fight for such God?  He is more than capable of fighting for himself. Exodus 14 vs 14 says it all - "The lord will fight for you and you shall hold your peace and remain at rest". So when my God has assured me of fighting my battles and he is this great and magnificent being, pray, tell me why will I be up in arms claiming to fight his own battles? A reciprocative gesture?

 

Excerpts from one of Chinua Achebe's Books titled 'Things fall Apart' suggests that worshippers of gods that are described as lesser gods leave their gods to fight for them and it self..."It is not our custom to fight for our gods" said one of them "Let us presume to do so now. If a man kills the sacred python in the secrecy of his hut, the matter lies between the god and his victim, we may receive blows intended for the offender. When a man blasphemes, what do we do? Do we go and stop his mouth? No. We put our fingers into our ears to stop us hearing, that is a wise action.

 

You claim to serve a greater god, yet you go about killing people in defence of this your god and your beliefs. How contradictory are you now? Or you celebrate the killings and maiming's of other people because they do not conform to your religious practices or beliefs.

 

In the book of John chapter 8 verses 3 - 11, the disciples told the story of how Jesus saved an adulterous woman, by telling the men who wanted to stone her to do so, but be sure they are of no sin. Of course no one did and the men all walked away. Jesus told her to and go and sin no more.

This part of the bible suggests that Jesus who is our Lord and Saviour did not practice intolerance. We as Christians are meant to be Christ like in all our actions.

The Muslim religion is described as a religion of peace and that Muslims who carry out these hate attacks are said to be misinformed or widely ignorant.

 

If that is the case, Religious leaders of all religions must put into cognisance that the population of the world increases by the second and people are bound to have different beliefs or none at all. They must teach their brethren tolerance and remind them of the principle of 'doing unto others as you would like others to do to you'.

When You Know Better, You do Better.

Show of hands if you have done something you regret doing in your twenties? My hands are up in the air!!!! I am guilty of doing things I regret in my 20s, hell I am sure if I gave it a good thought, I have done things in the last few years that I regret doing.

 

Then again, we are humans and we are bound to make mistakes. The main lesson however is learning from these mistakes.

 

So I watched Monica Lewinsky's 'Ted Talks' titled 'The Price of Shame' few weeks ago. She talked about how she fell in love with a married man and had an affair with him. This man was the President of the United States at that time. The affair lasted two years and she was ratted out by Linda Tripp - her colleague, who she  had told about her affair with the President in confidence.

 

The scandal broke in 1998 and this coincided with the advent of the internet. The news of her affair was the talk of the town . She was stalked, trolled and mean comments were made about her and her family.
 

Even though Facebook, Twitter and Instagram were not in existence at the time, there were gossip sites and people posted horrible comments about her. She was quite simply the object of merciless public humiliation.

 

Her mum made her take her bath with the bathroom door open. For her mum to do that, that must have meant that her mum thought her daughter could attempt suicide. Oh my!! What a terrible thought to cross a parent's mind.

 

After watching her appearance on 'Ted Talks', I could not help but think: what would the consequence of her actions have been if the sordid episode had played out in 2015? Just take a minute to imagine if Clinton was the President now and this affair broke out say last year. Would she have managed to survive the scandal?

 

With the power the internet now wields, people are able to incite bullying even from the comfort of their homes. There would have been mean comments from trolls and she would have been stalked from one social media platform to another. Imagine the extent to which journalists would invade her privacy and that of her family, the side-eyes she would have gotten from strangers everywhere she went. The realisation that Lewinsky would have definitely contemplated suicide or even done it, sends shivers down my spine.

 

Lewinsky also talked about Tyler Clementi - a Rutgers University student whose sexual encounter with a male friend was live streamed by his roommate Ravi and friend Wei for everyone online to watch. This happened in 2010. Tyler committed suicide by Jumping off the George Washington bridge following the scandal's emergence into the public domain.

I thought about Linda Tripp the whistle blower, Ravi and Wei. What exactly was their end game? To shame these people? Looking back at how these incidents played out, if given an opportunity to go back in time, would they have repeated what they did? Are they proud of the roles they played? I mean Linda Tripp instigated one of the biggest scandals in the world that severely battered Lewinsky's personality.

Even though there are several schools of thought that suggested that Ravi's and Wei's actions might not have necessarily played a huge part in Tyler's suicide, there is no hiding from the fact that their action triggered it.

 

Unless they are devoid of a conscience, they should regret their action.

 

I strongly believe that they should not be defined by their past actions especially if they are remorseful about it, No one should be defined by their past actions.

I have thought about myself and some of my mistakes. Do I regret them? Oh YES!! If such situations were to happen again, would I react differently? Absolutely!!

A simple yet powerful quote by Maya Angelou just puts all my thoughts into perspective: "When you know better, you do better" she also added "and you should not be judged for the person you were but for the person you are trying to be.

 

I doubt Lewinsky will ever have another affair with a married man - she has said time and time again how she regrets the affair. I hope Linda Tripp never betrays her friends for selfish interest or any interest at all - the honourable thing for Linda Tripp to have done as Monica's friend was to tell her to desist from such behaviour. I hope Ravi and Wei never repeat what they did to Tyler to anybody again.

 

I will endeavour  that the mistakes of my past do not repeat themselves, because now I know better and I will do better.
 

If there is anything you have done in the past that you regret doing, don't be too hard on yourself, forgive yourself and endeavour to do better next time.

That quote by Maya - so simple yet powerful, is liberating. It means you do not have to hold on to that part of your life again, with that simple statement, you can let it go.

 

When you have realised your mistake, tell yourself you didn't know better. It is liberating.

 

Oprah Winfrey said this on one of her shows, I can't remember the words exactly, so I am going to paraphrase - There are no mistakes and regrets in life, they are simply an opportunity to do better next time.

I would like to start a 'When I Knew Better, I did Better' Series. If there are any mistakes or regrets you have had in the past and they made you do better next time, please send an email to me at  Bolaawe@rocketmail.com with your stories, so we can all learn from them.

 

Best Wishes

Bola Awe