HOPE IS BEAUTIFUL THING

I love the run up to Christmas and I look forward to it with so much relish. I get so busy preparing for it so hard that it takes my mind of things that are normally bound to ruin my mood.
I get to indulge in shopping, cooking, baking, binge watching the food channel and derive pleasure from comfort food.

After the Christmas celebrations, say 29th or 30th of December, my emotions start to get the better part of me. It always seems as if the lack of preparing for the Christmas celebration has left a void in my life. I start thinking about the loved ones I have lost during the course of the year, wishing they were alive to see this day. Another factor that brings my emotion to the surface is my level of accomplishment.

At the beginning of every year, I have set goals that I hoped to achieve before the end of the year, now the end of year is near, I begin to take stock of the year and most of the times I realise I have fallen short of my expectations. This disrupts my mood a great deal and my emotions tends to be all over the place.
I have come to realise that quite a number of people feel this way too.
If you ever feel this way, then this message is for you.

Hope is a good thing. I heard this statement in a movie titled Shaw shank Redemption. I changed the statement to suit my state of mind at that time to 'Hope is a beautiful thing' and I added 'hope is for the living, in all things choose life, choose to live and not exist'.





You might say which dumb person if given an option to choose between life and death will not choose life, well let me explain it.
If you do not learn from past mistakes and keep repeating them, you are not choosing life. If you choose to live in the past, allow fear, shame and guilt to rule over you, you have not chosen life. If you thrive in negativity, pity party, being the victim always, never owning up to your own responsibility then you have not chosen life.

You might not have expressly chosen death but you have chosen to exist instead of living, instead of dusting yourself, pick yourself up from the ground and move on.
If you go into a relationship pretending to be what you are not, you have not chosen life.
If you keep seeking validation from people, you have not chosen life.
If you hold on to relationships that are bound to ruin your life or any part of it, you have not chosen life.

That you have not achieved your set goals is not the end of the world and does not make you a failure.

There are several definitions of hope but I love this more
Hope is that beautiful place between the way things were and the ways things are yet to be.

Being hopeful is being optimistic that things will get better. Being hopeful is a choice one has to make and you can't just chose hope and go lay down, It is not enough to just write down new year resolutions and hope to achieve them all. You have got to put in the work towards achieving your set goals.
                                      
                                                        


As this year is coming to an end don't allow fear, shame, regret, guilt, hate, lack of accomplishment, resentment to pull you down, take solace in the fact that Hope is a beautiful thing and it is for the living. That you are alive is something you should be grateful for and with hard work, diligence and perseverance, you will accomplish your goals.


As 2017 beckons, I hope that it will be a great year for you. I hope that if given an opportunity to choose between life and death - you will choose life.

I hope you never take being alive for granted

If given an opportunity to choose between living and existing - I hope you choose to live.

If given an opportunity to choose between sitting it out and dancing - I hope you choose to dance.

If one door closes, I hope that another door opens

I hope you fulfil your destiny and accomplish your set goals.

Above all, I hope you experience True Love.

PS - This is the third year in a row  that I have stopped feeling sad at the end of the year not because I have achieved all my goals but because I have replaced being sad with being hopeful. Hopeful that the coming year will be better. I always take solace and comfort in these words by Oprah Winfrey

I do not know what the future holds, but I know him who holds the future. I always add this and He's got me.

God's got you.
2017 will be a great year for us all

Best wishes
Bola Awe

SON OF MY FATHER By Tosin Olukuade

This book was given to me as a gift by the author - Tosin Olukuade. I was so elated when he told me he was going to post a copy of his book to me. I looked forward to reading it as soon as it was delivered, but work schedule and preparation for school resumption got in the way.

Having gotten those out of the way, I decided to read this book and it was a humbling experience flipping through each page and filled with awe at how blessed the author is to have a father as his. I think I sensed the burden Tosin must have felt trying his best to fit his dad's larger than life description into a 83 page book. After reading it, I make bold to say his Dad is living a life worthy of emulation.

It was his dad's dream to one day write a book about himself and he shared this with his son Tosin who took it upon himself to fulfil his father's desire. Amazing and noble are words that comes to mind in trying to describe how incredible it is for a son to do his best to see that his dad's dream comes to reality.
Over this past weekend, I watched some interviews Micheal Jackson granted during his lifetime and a common occurrence in all of these interviews were details of how he was physically and emotionally abused by his dad. He recanted these details with pain in his heart. That realisation that a famous man like him had a traumatic childhood was saddening. So it was refreshing and heart warming that in this era of dead beat dads, someone can write a whole book about the awesomeness of his dad.


This book comprises of ten chapters, eight of which were dedicated to attributes associated with the author's Dad, one chapter dedicated to his mum and one for the author - where he described the influence his dad had on him and their unique Father and son relationship.

In the first chapter titled His Fatherhood, Tosin starts this book by giving a few definitions of a Father and these ones stood out for me

One who performs the office of a parent by maintenance, affectionate care, counsel or protection

A father goes beyond giving birth to a child only.

Fatherhood, a state of being a father is a lifelong responsibility

These definitions ought to be written in bold letters and handed to men all over the world. I have come across a lot of dead beat dad who should just be called sperm donors and the sad reality is that they demand the type of respect accorded to men like Tosin's dad when they clearly do not deserve it.
The author's dad is a man of the robe and at no point did he forsake his immediate family because of his role in the church and I think that is how it should be - family first.

Tosin gave in clear details an incident that happened when he was young. He was involved in an accident, his dad was in a middle of a meeting while it happened and as soon as his dad heard, he asked to be excused and rushed to be by his Son's side. If I had read that part before the advent of social media, I would have said - kini big deal? Is that not how a father should behave? Social media has however, revealed a lot to us about some men's perceptions about their roles as a father and to most dads, it is a big deal.

The author also wrote about his dad's faith and I must say I found that chapter very touching. He spoke about his mum's battle with asthma, vivid details about himself and his siblings battle with ailments and how his dad was able to cope with all of them through prayers and faith. His siblings and himself are all well and doing great.
The author described his dad as an hospitable and loving man who opened his home to all and sundry in a loving manner. The author attributed that to his dad's deep understanding and knowledge of the Bible.
I have heard elders talk about good names and I must say the chapter titled the good name in this book was enlightening.
A good name is better than expensive perfume and the day you die is better than the day you're born.
The statement above lends credence to the fact that we all as humans should live a fulfilled and purposeful life so that our deaths can be celebrated.
In this chapter, Tosin wrote about branding in relation to a good name while connecting these two with a verse in the bible. That was insightful. He also wrote about a heart warming experience he had with an old student of his dad.

The author also wrote about his dad's love, humanity, Bishoprick, the awesome relationship between his dad and mum, Himself and his dad. The last chapter were beautiful tributes from people across the world to his dad. One word that was repeated across all the tributes was the fatherly love he showed to all these people who were not even his biological children and that is awesome.

The second to the last chapter titled His Word, His Son. I sensed the pride the author must have felt as he penned down words of gratitude and prayers to the man he proudly calls father. He also wrote about the impact his father's life has had on him and his siblings over the years.

He ends the chapter with this proud statement - My name is OLUWATOSIN OLUBAYODE OLUKUADE and I am the son of my father.

I recommend this book to everyone and most especially to men who desire to have a positive impact and influence on their children. This book will inspire you to live a life worthy of emulation.

Hearty Cheers to Tosin's Dad and other awesome Dads around the world. You all are doing great and doing your part towards making this world a better place!!!

The Breakthrough Experience Book Review By Dr John F Demartini

This book, to a large extent is bound to blow your mind, dissect life mysteries into small parts and break it down for easy understanding. It is that good. It is a book and workbook that has the tendency to put things into perspective and make one to be of service to the universe.

It aims to teach you how to make your dreams come true, how to love and be grateful for every thing life throws your way, reawaken the true genius in you and helps to transcend fears and illusions concerning death.

If I have to summarise what I learnt from this book in very few words, it will be to LOVE, get WISDOM and be filled with GRATITUDE.

Dr Demartini started off this book by writing about his childhood, His first grade teacher told his parents that he had learning disability - left hand dyslexic and he will never be able to read, write or communicate normally, she advised that his parents enrolled him into sports because she wouldn't expect him to do much in life. First of all, I was shocked by what this teacher said and I think it came from my perspective of being a mum. Why use such words to describe a child because he is different from the other children? I mean she was not even an expert on learning disabilities but chose to predict his future in such clear negative terms!!!

Anyway, Dr Demartini went into sports as advised and when he was 14years old he travelled away from home. In the course of his journey, he met a man who he describes as his first mentor, he told him "Never judge a book by it's cover" and "You learn to read boy. You learn how to read cause there's only two things that the world can't take away from you: your love and wisdom. They can take away your loved ones, money and just about everything, but they can't take away your love and wisdom"
I hope this resonates with someone, It is important to read, to be knowledgeable, Ignorance in 2016 isn't bliss at all. Love is the greatest gift of all. When you love, you get to be kind, tolerant and emphatic. Imagine how this world will be if everyone loved one another.

It's amazing how that encounter changed his life, today he is an author of several life changing books and a Speaker. It is not surprising that love and wisdom is the core of this book and he describes "Love and wisdom as the essence of life"

The author describes gratitude as this simple principle, yet it has the power to change your life. Gratitude is key to growth and fulfilment.
He went on to give an analogy - If you were to give someone a gift and they just looked at it and tossed it away without giving thanks, would we be inclined to give them another? My answer to this was NO!!
Well according to Demartini, the universe behaves like us on a grander scale. The universe will not give you more gifts if you are not grateful for what you have being given.

He also wrote about divine order. Everything that happens is a vital part of the divine order even the most terrible events are part of a divine order and they contain hidden blessings. He went on to say the masters know this and are unperturbed  by events while those with lesser wisdom swing from elation to depression as they move through positive and negative experiences on their way to understanding

Well I guess I belong to the class of those with lesser wisdom as I tend to swing through all sort of emotion depending on what I am going through and I sometimes doubt that everything that happens especially the bad things was part of a divine order, I am unable to wrap my head around it. Spiritual and religious leaders have often lend credence to that school of thought and on some level, it is most likely true. He added that It takes a well centred person to see the good in every bad occurrence and the bad in the good ones. He made an interesting analogy about balance in the universe. If something bad happens somewhere, something good is happening somewhere else to enable balance in the universe. When I read that part, I was like can bad things please stop happening? Evil occurence gets scarier by the day.

Greater wisdom recognizes that blessings can also trigger a crisis. When we truly understand that, we are less likely to be upset about difficulties or elated about opportunities; we remain centred no matter what.
Now being balanced or centred according to Dr Demartini does not mean being optimistic or  pessimistic, he had a word for it, it is being - gratefulism - and that is both wisdom and true power.
The moment when we realise that we have everything we need to be fulfilled in life and we are truly grateful, we have awoken to the true power of gratefulism

This book is not one to read in a hurry and I am sure I will read it again. There were times when I had to ponder about powerful statements from this book for quite a while. One of them was
Have you ever read or listened to something and gotten tears in your eyes and feel inspired? Those tears are an infallible clue that something meaningful and important for you is being revealed

I pondered on this for a while and tried to think back to moments like that in my life and I found one distinct moment. I honestly can't remember the full story but with the little I remember, I hope you get to understand my point. In summary, I watched a video on Facebook in 2015, a lady talked about the power of prayer and she gave a testimony of how prayer turned a situation around for her, the details are a bit hazy, I am sorry. This video was so powerful and inspirational. It made me cry, I got down on my knees and  prayed. My prayer lasted for say 20 minutes and I felt a burden lifted off me. I knew something good was about to happen, but could not pinpoint what exactly. This was what happened to me.
Few weeks before I watched that video, I attended an interview for a job I really wanted in a big organisation. I was called the next day to say I didn't get the job. I was heart broken and somehow depressed. Exactly two weeks after I watched the video, I got a call from that same woman who interviewed me to say they have a similar job opening in another department and it's mine if I was still interested. I cannot put into words my feeling after that phone call, it seemed like a dream, but it was not, it was REAL. It did happen.
After reading that statement, I decided to start recording moments like Dr Demartini described in writing. I need to pay attention more.

The author also wrote about secrets of an inspired life and I must say, I can relate to the first secret
Living an inspired life requires mastering some skills, one of which is the ability to ask yourself inspirational, meaningful questions. To me, this simply means the act of self reflection in a positive way that is bound to make you feel inspired not make you second guess yourself. He gave an example, if you say to yourself  I'd like to do that, but how can I when I don't have money?
This question, according to Dr Demartini creates a mind set that you can't without even trying. He however added that, that same question should be asked in a more positive way that gives power to your word -like this  How can I do what I love and be magnificently paid for it?

Human beings live a life of duality. There are two sides to everyone - good and bad side and we cannot live our lives without experiencing the good and bad of life's experiences. This I agree to a large extent and Dr Demartini claims that the Quantum collapse process which he describes as a systematic series of predetermined questions and actions which brings presences and certainty to your mind and gratitude and love to your heart " helps people to appreciate both sides of their lives. Now the example he gave made me ponder for a while.

He gave an example of a lady in the Canadian Justice Department who disagreed with the notion that all human beings have good and bad sides. she gave an example of a very evil man in the prison and she can't think of any good side the man has. The Quantum collapse process made her see that she is as evil as the man as someone has once committed suicide because of words she said to this person.
Now I had to think about this for a while, too many bad things are happening around us, terrorism, kidnapping and all other evil things. To think that a person who goes into a crowd with an intent to bomb that place and kill people also has a good side, is something I was unable to wrap my head around, hard as I tried.

This paragraph below was a food for thought for me
Everybody has two sides. if you're honest, you'll see that you are both a saint and a sinner, virtuous and vicious. So when someone accuses you of something, don't waste your time defending yourself. Instead admit that you are in fact possessor of whatever it is they're attacking you for. Not only are you possessor, but they are too, and they're judging themselves; that's why they are accusing you. If it hurts to hear it, that means you haven't seen how that quality serves you or others and you're judging yourself. Their gift to you is to wake you up to another part of yourself that you haven't yet loved.

In explaining about human duality, he added that We have a part that lifts us up and another that puts us down.

He concluded that "We're not here to judge another person; we're here to love." - I whole heartedly agree with that.

As it is with humans, Love is also made up of two sides; support and challenge. Another definition of love by Dr Demartini that puts the above statement into perspective is Love is a perfectly equilibrated, divinely ordained state of consciousness that's available to you 24 hours a day if you just balance your mind and don't let it go off all emotional illusions.

He went on to explain that supporting someone can make them dependent and challenging them can make them strong and independent, so I believe to function well in the universe we need a bit of both as Nature won't allow anything but equilibrium.

Looking for elusive, one sided events in a two-sided universe is the root of people's so called suffering. This was an Aha moment for me as it resonated with me.
He is not by any means insinuating that we should do away with negative events and embrace positive events, he is just saying we need to appreciate both events and know that they are necessary. He added that all phenomena are universally full quantum and it is impossible for there to be such thing as happiness without sadness or vice versa

This paragraph about love blew my mind.
Love is a full quantum state. Physicists know that a full quantum state is massless, charge less, space less and timeless, which by definition is spiritual and unconditional. Consciousness is light and it comes in full quantum state. God is full quantum light.

This simply means to me that God is love.

He also wrote about relationship. The purpose of relationship isn't happiness, it is a combination of happiness and sadness which makes up fulfilment. He added that It takes one to attain a certain level of wisdom to understand the above statement. This to me means that any relationship that does not give anyone fulfilment should either be looked into with the intent improvement or do away with.

Dream is in the detail, now I love this part. Demartini asked questions concerning our dreams, and dreams here does not mean what we see while sleeping. It refers to our goals and desires. Are you clear about what you love? Do you see it in so much detail that when you close your eyes, you can't see your life in any other way than that?
If you are able to see your goals manifest, if you are able to have the conviction in your mind that what you think about always is your desire, you begin to exhibit the power to make your dreams come true. This reminded me an episode of The Oprah Winfrey Show I watched, where Jim Carey (Actor) was a guest. He spoke about the power of visualisation, he was able to visualise the first cheque he received before he got the Job. Jim Carey added a statement after talking about the power of visualisation, that was funny but true. 'You don't just visualise and go have a sandwich, you get to work'.

Visualisation and dreaming in detail to me is the same principle. There is power in our thoughts.

I love this quote by The Upanishads
you are what your deep driving desire is
as your desire is, so is your will.
as your will is, so is your deed.
as your deed is, so is your destiny

At the end of this chapter, there was an exercise, one of them is to meditate on your dream for few minutes a day. I started doing that, he also advised that you write down your dream, and everyday take at least one action step towards achieving your goal - this means don't just write your goals down and go eat a sandwich.

He also wrote about life after death, he claims that after we die we take another form and although this is in contrary to my belief as a Christian, I gave it a good thought. I am yet to arrive at a conclusion.

This book also consist of affirmations, exercises and a quantum collapse work book designed to make the reader get more clarity about his or her life.
This book gave me clarity to a large extent especially on embracing everything that comes my way and not see it as an attack but an opportunity to refine and expand myself as opposed to feeling depressed and being in a self pity state.

It also consist of miracles Demartini performed.

I learnt this as well, We are over 7 billion people in this world and we were created for a unique purpose, this book will bring out the genius in you, open your eyes towards the fact that everything you need to live a fulfilled life is available for you to use.

What I know for sure now is that practicing  Love, wisdom, and gratitude are important towards self and spiritual awakening.

This Book is for you, if you are interested in self awareness, spiritual awakening, finding your purpose on earth and actualising them. It is intriguing, insightful and inspirational.

Woman,In the meantime,embrace your singleness

The way people look down and sneer at a woman for being single at a certain age is appalling. Being single now seems like a disease or an evil spirit that needs deliverance. I have seen some church flyers with captions like - God deliver me from the spirit of singlehood. Some Pastors are known to ask single women in the church to do the most ridiculous things all in the hopes of getting married. Society, religion and culture keeps heaping pressure on single ladies on the need to get married and frowns at those who do not want to get married at all.

Such unnecessary pressure leads to desperation and the troubling hunt for The one, the one that completes me. I have always being sceptical about the one. It seems so unrealistic. There are over 7 billion people in the world, so the thought that just one person is meant for me seems like a myth of some sort. I never believed in it. The thought that a partner completes us is also a myth. Hollywood and Nollywood sure did a number on us by producing films that depicts the myth. If only they are aware of how that myth messed us up. No one completes us, we were already created complete. A partner does not complete us. There are sisters who do not want to get married, do we say those sisters are not complete? I don't think so.

Leaving everything on hold while waiting in anticipation for The one can be so emotionally draining, frustrating and distracting. Instead of doing that, why don't you just live in the present and enjoy your life.

Embrace your status. Do not let anyone's thoughts and expectations of you pull you down into a pit of depression.

Do not seek validation from anyone, because get this - once you start seeking validation from people, it never ends and you will end up an unhappy person. Do not be a people pleaser.

Society, religion and cultural expectations of women never ends, it is a continuing process and whatever you do, you will be damned anyway.

So block your ears from the  naysayers, it can be difficult but please do and always remember this powerful quote

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent - Eleanor Roosevelt

You alone have the power to make people treat you badly, do not give anyone that power.

Here are suggestions of what to do In the meantime, before you meet the man of your dreams and get married -

Move outta your parents home - Living on your own increases your ability to be all round independent. If you cannot afford it, then do not move out, but try to start being independent especially financially. If you are comfortable in your parents home and they are not always up in your business, this advise isn't for you. If your parents are always up in your business, restrict your movement, please move out and start living on your own.

Get to know yourself and Love yourself

Do not compromise on the qualities you expect from a man. Now when I say qualities, I do not necessarily mean physical, but if that is your thing then by all means roll with it. I mean behavioural qualities. I would not be involved with a man who is uncouth, cheats, disrespects me, my family and friends, constantly takes our private fights to the public and blames everyone but himself for mistakes, claims to know about everything but truly knows nothing .....I hope you get my drift? These are important behavioural standards that I would not compromise on.

Caroline Myss, an author sheds more light on Compromise
Do not compromise to the extent where you are put in a position of betraying yourself. Every choice is either going to enhance or drain your spirit. so if you have been compromised to the point where you feel drained or depleted, then you have betrayed yourself.

Do not attempt to change anybody to what you expect from them. It is not only wrong, it is impossible. The only person you have absolute right and power to change is yourself. So it's either you are willing to accept the person's flaw or just walk away. Like Iyanla Vanzant said - Love does not fix or change, when you get into a relationship with somebody and you have to start fixing or changing them, know that you are in lust

If you believe in God, get to know him on your own. Do not let any Man or Woman of God manipulate you with their understanding of the Bible. Study it and lean on your own understanding. Develop a one on one relationship with God, he is accessible to us all.

Start a gratitude journal - That way you are able to appreciate the little things you take for granted.  Be grateful for each day and every experience because they are all paths leading you to the right direction. Being grateful and having an open mind is good for the soul and makes you develop a great relationship with God.

Travel alone - Except it is work related, travelling on your own might be difficult to accomplish once you get married and have children.

Develop the habit of reading and be informed about things going on around you. Reading has a way of making you open minded and knowledgeable. Ignorance isn't bliss

Make a list of things you would like to do - It might be learning how to dance, skydiving, learning how to ride a bike, drive a car. I met a single lady recently and she told me she made a list of things she wanted to do to celebrate her single life in October 2015. She had just clocked 30 then. I was amazed at the list, It was so cool and fun filled. Travelling was one of them and she has visited 3 countries since then, she plans to travel to Singapore to celebrate her 31st birthday alone. I was wowed. You can also make a great list and add whatever you want on it, progress in career, acquiring more professional qualifications, starting a business, the list is endless.

Attend a week long or weekend event about something you are passionate about and enjoy it. It could be a book or food fair.


Develop your relationship with friends and family. Offer assistance when you can, Be there for them. Get involved in your church or community activities with the aim of helping people. Give people your time.

Do something new regularly.

Don't  miss out on the beautiful opportunities around you. Celebrate every moment of your life and do not think for a second that because you choose to celebrate and embrace your singleness you will remain single for forever, NO!!
If it is your desire to get married, don't sweat it, don't scheme or engage in manipulative tactics. You will find someone or vice versa.

If it is your desire not to get married, Nne your desire is legit and valid. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Live and enjoy your life to the fullest.

Always remember You are enough and complete.

Best Wishes
Bola Awe

Cheers to an Awesome August

How time flies!!! We are already in the month of August. Whoop!! Whoop!! I love August because, first of all, the premier league football returns, that means no more boring weekends. It also signifies that Christmas is just around the corner and it is mine and other members of my family's birthday month.  My teenage sibling's birthday is on the 11th of August, My dad's on the 27th, a very lovely lady who I describe as a sister-friend, her birthday is on the 28th and mine is on the 29th. It is a birthday packed month.

I am also excited about this month because my older son who is 4 years old starts proper nursery known as reception next month. So we are busy preparing for his resumption, making sure we get all his school items ready in time for September. It is a milestone I look forward to. I can't wait for his first day in school.

July was such a busy and unorganised month for me and I must apologise for my inability to review the book for July, it was due to lack of being organised on my part. I was even unable to finish reading the book. I will however to do that this month and subsequently review it. The month of July came with it's challenges and I overcame. I had a health scare but I was given an all clear by the doctor. My nephew had a surgery and it was a success - Thank God.

Serena Williams finally matched Steffi Graf's record of winning 22 grand slam titles, It was a remarkable moment for everyone around the world. I almost cried when she recited Maya's poem 'Still I Rise'....... Wow!! It was so powerful.

Andy Murray - The No 1 Men's British Tennis player also won his second Wimbledon title, I actually cried when he did. It was also a remarkable moment especially for British tennis.

I was gifted a book titled Son Of My Father by the author Tosin  Olukuade, I hope to do a review of the book soon, I have read few pages and I am loving it.

I was finally able to go for a spa weekend with a couple of friends and  we enjoyed every minute of it. We had so much fun dining, wining, getting massaged and getting all sorts of body and facial treatments. It was restful as well and we were able to catch up with what was going on in our lives.
We had planned that after dinner at the hotel's restaurant, we would go to the cinema, but we were so tired and all we wanted to do was just catch up and go to bed.
After a full English breakfast the next day, we had our massage and all kind of body treatment and just lounged in the hotel lobby till in the evening when we went to a restaurant in the town for dinner. We barely remembered to take pictures. We just wanted to enjoy the scenery and bask in the moment without kids screaming and demanding for our attention. It was bliss.

When I got home, Le' hubs and the kids gave me big hugs and kisses. They missed me. My older son even said to me - 'Mummy, you are my best friend'.....awwwwwww!!! That gladdened my heart. I had fun telling anyone who cared to listen how I am now my son's best friend.

On Monday, while getting him ready for school, I asked him if I was his best friend and he said 'Eeeerrm No'!!! 'So who is your best friend'? I asked and he said 'Sophie'. Sophie is actually his best friend but I replaced her for a day because he missed me. Sophie is back to her position......Lol! It was fun while it lasted anyway.

As this is my Birthday month, I plan to give a gift to an ardent reader of my blog.. She has never missed any of my blog post and I am super glad and chuffed to have her as a supporter. I plan to do the same to another ardent reader in December, this is because December is my favourite month of the year - It's Christmas month after all. So If you would like to be a recipient of this gift, be sure to subscribe, read and drop your comment on the blog regularly. Thank you

She will be revealed at the end of the month.
My birthday gift has started rolling in, I bought myself a voucher that entitles me to a full spa day, looking forward to it.

I hope and pray that this month will be a blessed one for us all.

Cheers to an Awesome August!!

WOMAN, LOVE THY SELF

I made a post on a topic Woman, Know Thy Self, this is a follow up on the post. Now that you have known a little bit more about yourself, the next step is to love yourself as you are, right now. Then look at your answers and tell your self some real truth about things you would like to change about yourself, you alone are able to change it and then love yourself some more.

Now when I talk about effecting changes in your life, I mean behavioural changes, that will bring about self improvement not physical changes.

It is not safe or advisable for you to wait to attain certain physical spec before you begin to love yourself. Love your body as it is now and If you feel you need to lose weight or have a low hair cut or grow a long hair, or have an acne free skin, do it because of yourself alone not in the hopes of getting anyone else to love you for those physical attributes. This is because we as human beings are subject to physical changes and we do ourselves a great disservice when we try to keep up to a loved one's physical attributes expectations of us. It is wrong and we deny ourselves the liberty of living in our TRUTH.

When you love yourself, it becomes easy to accept another person's love for you

It is important to love yourself to be able to love others. The Bible even attests to the fact that loving oneself is the greatest commandment. Mark 12 verse 31- Love your neighbour as yourself. So loving someone else more than you love yourself can be considered deceitful and a lie.

For instance, staying in an abusive relationship or marriage for the sake of children, family members or the thoughts of what people will say is a sin before God because it goes to show you love and put others first before your self.

Iyanla Vanzant made a statement in one of her Life class sessions with Oprah Winfrey and it just puts things to perspective for me - 'How you treat yourself is how you treat God, so you are putting God last when you put other people ahead of you because you are the representative of God in your life'
She went on to add - 'When you give to others to the degree that you sacrifice yourself, you make the other person a thief because they are stealing from you what you need and they don't even know it'

I hope this becomes an Aha moment for someone reading this today as it was for me when I first heard it.
So the excuses people give to justify staying in an abusive relationship is wrong. Love does not hurt, It liberates, it encourages peace of mind and wellbeing.

Love yourself without expectations

Love yourself enough to be able to take charge of your life

Love yourself enough to avoid putting yourself in precarious situations.

Love yourself enough to pursue your dream, to live the life you desire.

Love yourself enough to be content with what you have, knowing fully well that as long as you are alive, you can get what you want eventually.

Love yourself enough to walk away from toxic people and friendships.

Love yourself enough to be able to walk away from that relationship that threatens your sanity and life.

Love yourself enough to walk away from any riches or fame that puts your life at risk - Tina Turner is a case in point.

She had a choice of either staying in the abusive marriage with Iyke Turner or to walk away. She would have continued using excuses such as ; she worked her socks off to get them all the money they had at that time, bla bla bla but she walked away from it all - The financial security and fame. Tina Turner chose her sanity and wellbeing instead.

I am sure you have heard this popular statement  'Love makes the world go round' - It is true. This world will be a much better and safer place if we all as individuals come from a place of love and It is possible, we just have to start loving ourselves right now.

Choose Love, make that conscious decision right now.

Best Wishes
Bola Awe

WOMAN, KNOW THY SELF.

Knowing one's self is imperative especially for women in this day and age. We are constantly barraged with societal and cultural expectations of us, the media too constantly shows us how a perfect woman's body should be like, Pastors and older women constantly remind us of how we are expected to behave and how if we fall short, we are bound to end up alone and miserable.

And because we have an innate desire to please people and to be accepted,we tend to conform to these expectations there by living a lie and having an unhappy life. We literarily allow other people to define who we are.
When we allow people to define who we are, we allow them to put us in a box. A limited box, because no one will put you in a box and still allow you to fly and freely express yourself.

Our first job in life as women is to get to know ourselves. - Michelle Obama

This helps us in making life decisions to suit us, and standing our grounds on not conforming to expectations, we also get to know our self worth and self value.
It is impossible to know yourself in one day, It is a continuous process, just like learning.


How to know yourself -
Through self reflection, think about your actions regularly especially the ones that you know, you should or could have done better.
Ask yourself questions regularly and answer truthfully. It is futile for you to lie to yourself. It does more harm than good.

Questions like these are helpful

When were you born?
What do you feel about your age?
Do you consider yourself beautiful?
What part of your body do you love?
Do you hate any part of your body?
What do you love to do?
What do you do for fun?
What upsets you?
What Scares you?
What motivates you?
What is your preferred method of communication?
Do you love to debate on issues?
Do you take those debates personally?
Are you a sensitive person?
What kind of person are you attracted to?
What are the qualities you want in a partner?
What are your talents?
What are you passionate about?
What career or business path are you interested in?
Do you like to set goals for yourself and work towards it or just go with the flow?
How do you take feedback and criticism?
When do you want to retire?
What do you want to do after you retire?
How do you learn and How do you teach?
Are you comfortable in your loneliness?
Are you a morning or evening person?
Do you love your present Job?
Are you ambitious?
Do you care about what people say about you?
Do you suffer insecurities or are totally confident in yourself?
Do you desire validations from friends and family?
What is your relationship like with your parents?
Does the type of relationship you have with either of your parents influence your career path or love life?
Do you want to get married?
Do you think marriage should be a partnership?
Do you desire children?
What does compromise in a relationship mean to you?
Do you forgive easy?
Do you offend easy?
Do you like being around family?
Do you love to do house chores?
Are you an outdoor or indoor person?
Do you think financial responsibilities should be shared between couple?
Do you think household chores should be shared between couple?
Do you think Childcare should be shared between couple?

You can add more questions.

If you are able to answer some or all of these questions truthfully, you are well on the right path to knowing your self.

Self knowledge leads us to live a happy and fulfilled life and lack of it opens us to constant mistakes and a life filled with drama

For instance I trust easy, I can be annoyingly naïve when it comes to relationship. I give my best in every relationship and expect the best from people. In the past I have been cheated on right under my nose and I didn't even know. I don't do conspiracy theories well and I am not good at being a Sherlock Holmes, so I always wanted a drama free relationship with a honest partner who has my interest at heart. That singular knowledge was able to shield me from making a huge mistake in my love life.

The root of every dysfunction in the life of a woman is always in the lack of self worth or value - Oprah Winfrey

Lack of self worth or value stems from lack of knowing one's self

I encourage every woman, girl to get to know herself to avoid living a life of deceit. Society, Culture and Religion do not mean us well and are not obliged to. You owe it to yourself to live in your TRUTH


Anybody pretending to be anything other than who you are , you will never ever reach your personal potential - Oprah Winfrey

Is it your desire to reach your personal potential? If your answer to this question is YES, please know yourself.

Best Wishes
Bola Awe

JULY - My Month of Peace

During my prayer and meditation session on Friday morning (1st of July), I felt in my spirit that this is my month of peace. I pondered on that for few minutes, saying to myself that I needed more sign reaffirming the declaration that this will be my month of peace.

While still in my meditation session, I opened my Living word book (It is a book for meditation) for the first time since I got it and the first page was a morning prayer and a Bible verse I love so much was tucked at the end of the page. This verse calms me whenever I am anxious, afraid or feel a sense of hopelessness. The verse is Acts 17 vs 28 - 'In God I move and breathe and have my being'.

This verse has a way of making me be at peace and makes me surrender all to God. That was a great sign and I felt really good that Friday morning, ready for the day.

That same Friday, something happened in my personal life that attempted to ruin the euphoria of peace and joy that I was basking in. This dragged on till the next day and I kept saying but July is supposed to be my month of peace, why is this happening?

On Sunday during my prayer and meditation session, out of the blues I asked myself this question
How do I even expect to go through life without any form of challenge? Things happen, it is called life. So instead of whining about things not going my way, why don't I just ask for grace to overcome whatever challenges that comes my way. That I did on Sunday and I felt at peace within. All is well now, I overcame.

Challenges are not intended to disrupt our peace, but to strengthen us, to develop our character, to cause us to persevere, teach us the benefits of discipline and sacrifices and to make us a better person. - Joyce Meyer

I spent most of this weekend wondering what book to read this month. I finally got it - Like a light bulb in my head.
I got an excerpt of a book from my friend Ese last month and on reading it consciously on Saturday, the realisation dawned on me that this is my book for the month of July. The excerpts got me really excited. It is about self discovery and awareness.

The title of this book is - The Breakthrough Experience: A revolutionary new approach to personal transformation.

I hope it lives up to expectation and as usual, I will be sharing excerpts of this book on my Facebook wall.
I wish you all a peaceful month of July

Best Wishes
Bola Awe

A CALL TO ACTION - Women, Religion, Violence and Power

That this book was written by a devout Christian,White American Man is remarkable. The title absolutely justifies the content. It is a call to action. This book is capable of riling up emotions. It is a 200 page book with detailed and vivid description of the violence and abuse experienced by women all over the world.
Instead of retiring to a country home after the end of his political career, Jimmy carter set up the Carter Foundation and travelled all around the world advocating for human rights, campaigns to put an end to Diseases In African countries and monitoring elections. His peaceful works was recognised and he won the Nobel Peace Prize in 2002

Jimmy Carter seemed like a man with a goal to give an unbiased report on violence against women caused mostly by Religion, Race and Power. This report consist of over 30 years worth of experience he gathered while traveling all over the world with his wife - Rosalyn, the works done by the Carter foundation and his time as the governor of Georgia and president of the United States of America. A lot of research went into writing this book with statistics to back it up to prove that we indeed live in a patriarchal society. Anyone who cares deeply about religion will find it disturbing and sad that religion is used repeatedly to cause physical and mental abuse to women.


He started off the book by describing his childhood years, he grew up in a predominantly African American rural community. He was taught to respect women irrespective of their race. Due to his interaction with his friends in the community most of whom were black, He was immersed into the African American culture. He often went to a nearby town to sell peanuts and would occasionally listen to men talk about their sexual exploits with other men's wives shamelessly and about how much a whore cost. It was a shock to him because of his upbringing to respect women. Most of these men were white and they preferred black women and during this time, interracial contact was a taboo.

This was of course mind boggling to a young Jimmy at that time and upon reflection he often wondered why these white men felt comfortable having sex with black women but failed to interact with them in public on the premise that black people were inferior to white people. This statement probably explains why.

Even those in the dominant class who disagreed with these presumption remained relatively quiet and enjoyed the benefits of the prevailing system.

Religious leaders back then preached about how it was God's will for white people to be superior to black people and they had religious scriptures to back it up. Of course that was a huge misinterpretation of the scripture.

He explained that racism in present times is not as high as it used to be but it is replaced by what is now a global problem -Violence against women. This stemmed from the presumption that women are not equal to men and how religious leaders use selected verses to justify that premise.

There has long been a distinction in societal attitudes towards men and women who engage in extra or pre marital sex

The writer lend credence to the above statement by sharing the story of a lady culled from Christian Ethics today about a young Canadian lady who at nineteen was a devout and unmarried Christian lady and was publicly humiliated by her pastor when he learnt she had pre marital sex. In the presence of young people, the pastor wanted to teach her a lesson and made this analogy; he passed round a glass of water and had each person in the gathering to spit into the water, and then asked 'Who wants to drink this?'
This part I have to say, infuriated me, because the message the pastor was trying to pass to her was that she was worthless on the basis of this act, nothing was done to the man who she had sex with of course. I was happy to read in the book that she is happily married with children and shares this story to young women to encourage them that they are not damaged or unworthy of love from a decent man in spite of their past.
The writer described that when he was a teenager, it was ok for boys to be engaged in premarital sex and the girls were not. Very few girls did not conform. The norm was for girls to wait till their wedding night before having sex and this he observed with his wife Rosalyn.

It would have been completely out of character for her to do otherwise, but I was reluctant to let other men know that I was a virgin, feeling that it was somehow a reflection on my manhood

Different societal standards and expectations  still exist for boys and girls. He ended this chapter with this

I still believe that abstinence is the best choice for both, but condemnation and disgrace are not appropriate, and there should not be any distinctions in rules of behaviour for males and females

Mr Carter also talked about why he was committed to making peace through dialogue instead of going to war during his time as the president. He wrote with pride about how no gun shots were fired, bombs dropped during his tenure as president and he chose peaceful resolution instead of going to war. His reason for this was because women and children were always the worst casualties in war times. They were always sexually and physically abused or killed.

After his time as president, America has gone to war countless times without considering other peaceful options. He added that American Christians justified this act of always going to war with a verse in the scripture 'An eye for an eye' which he says has become more important than the teachings of Jesus as the prince of peace.
This incessant war by America has somehow triggered the advent of  religious extremist from some parts of the world.

The writer also wrote about his church the Southern Baptist Church of which he had been a member since he was a boy. He was a bible study teacher, deacon and was fully involved in the church's activities. The debate of 'If men and women are equal in the sight of God' has always being a topic for debate in his church and during a convention held in the year 2000, the delegates voted that women should not be allowed to be Bible school teachers, pastors and deacons. Any Bible class for children that had even one boy was not to be taught by a woman. He said, himself and his wife had to come to the conclusion that these new laws set by the church does not suit them and that was how the relationship with his church ended.
Some Bible verses were used to justify their action especially books written by St Paul. Mr Carter however made a compelling case against the premise that men and women are not equal. He gave examples of how Jesus prevented a woman who was accused of committing adultery from mob attack and how he freely interacted with women and treated them same way he treated men. He quoted Galatians 3 vs 26-28

 So in Christ Jesus you are all children of God through faith, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus

I honestly do not get why people prefer to live by the old testament. Jesus died on the cross so we can be free, liberated and not subjected to condemnation. As Christians we are encouraged to live a Christ like life and be guided by the principle of

'Do unto others as you will like others to do to you'.
It was interesting to know that this principle is a guiding principle for almost all religions of the world

He also wrote about Discrimination against poor women, black women and the disabled. These group of people were sentenced to prison so easily while white men enjoyed the privilege of being white by getting off the hook with help of well experienced lawyers who got them off or a jail term that can only be described as a slap on the wrist.

Sexual assault and rape is prevalent in respected institutions like the army and universities. Girls who were often raped, never report it for fear of stigmatisation and also because the abusers were never convicted. Statistics of rapes that go unreported in this institution was staggering .

In this book, I got a glimpse of how highly placed people in the society can use their influence for good. Mr Carter had to personally get involved in several cases of violence and sexual abuse against women when he was in power and afterwards.

Some abuses against women that I was completely oblivious of their existence were, The genocide of girls, - Yeah, you read that right!! 'Honor' Killings, Child marriage and dowry deaths. Genocide of girls is prevalent in countries like India and China. Girls were strangled to death by their mothers in most cases, because It was considered useless to have a girl. They believed that it was useless taking care of the girl child. In recent times, with the help of technology the girl child is usually aborted at foetal stage.
'Honor' Killings was actually a shock to me because I thought this was a practice that took place thousands of years ago due to ignorance but No it is still happening in some Asian countries. When a girl is raped, she is said to have brought shame to her family so she is  killed by members of her family. This of course was justified with religious scripture.

Since girls are considered to be a burden on the family and unmarried ones an embarrassment, many families are willing to go bankrupt to get them married. As a result, thousands of these women suffer

Poor families who find it hard to feed their children, go through all sorts to get their children married off. In India, the bride's family is expected to pay dowry, when these parents are unable to pay the money they promised the groom or give the gifts they promise, the groom kills the bride out of anger and they are rarely convicted. Most times the brides are killed because they are not virgins.
Girls who are less than 15 years of age are more likely to die while giving birth or lose the child. This is the sad reality in countries like this.

He wrote about Politics, Pay and Maternal Health. Women are still denied equal participation in politics. Although the numbers have increased over the years. Surprisingly, countries like India, Liberia, Philippines, Britain and Nicargua have had women served as presidents and prime ministers, the United States is said to be behind as very few women get elected to public offices or are offered the opportunity to serve the country.

A particular chapter I found very interesting - not in a good way was chapter 12. Thabo Mbeki the former President of South Africa outrightly rejected the use of antiretroviral treatments for pregnant women who were HIV positive. This treatment was to prevent the unborn child from being infected. Mr Mbeki rejected this treatment for his people on the grounds that

'They were likely to be toxic and were being foisted on innocent black people by white leaders from western nations'

I mean imagine, putting lives of citizens who he swore to protect at risk because of an excuse like that. If it was a close family member that was infected, will he take that stance?
The amount of work, Mr Carter and his foundation has done especially in African countries makes me wonder what exactly African Leaders do with all the money derived from the continent. He is sometimes faced with resistance from these leaders. He wrote about how he and Thabo Mbeki almost came close to blows because of their separate stance on the antiretroviral treatment. Well the treatment was finally given to these women with the help of Nelson Mandela.
It is not all gloom in the book, a part that made me smile I must say is when he described how he helped tackle the blinding trachoma spread in Ethiopia caused by flies and affected millions of people, the carter centre built latrines for the communities and by the end of 2012, they had built  2.9 million latrines in Ethiopia.

I am proud of my growing reputation as the world's most preeminent sponsor of latrines

I am sure he had a smile on his face as he penned that down.

Mr Carter outlined 23 action plan at the last chapter to stop Gender and Race discrimination, I watched an interview he granted after the launch of his book and he said he sent copies of this book to various world and religious leaders and some of them sent replies and promised to do something about this global problem - Violence against women.

I am however surprised that there was no mention of gun control in this book.
It is amazing that through all of this, his faith in God is still unwavering.

Overall, It is recommended for every one who is passionate about gender equality, fairness, world peace and justice.

FEMINISM - MY OPINION

Feminism as defined in Merriam-Webster dictionary - "is the belief that men and women should have equal rights and opportunities  and as the theory of the political, economic and social equality of the sexes. It does not mean women should receive special treatment or men should be put down in order for women to rise above"


This is the real meaning of feminism, and any other definition besides this should be ignored.
I heard about feminism back in 2008, I read an article where this writer summarised feminists as women who are lesbians, hate men and don't wear bras. I thought about it for a minute, I don't hate men, I am not a lesbian and Hell to the No, I can't be caught not wearing bra. I just made up my mind that, this movement was not for me. I had not gotten used to the fact that I can actually google anything I didn't know about.

Gender equality is the view that both men and women should receive equal treatment and not be discriminated against based on their gender.

Feminism and gender equality are the same. Anyone who advocates for gender equality is a feminist. It is okay if you do no want to be regarded as a feminist, but just know that feminism and gender equality are one and the same thing.





Anyway, I never thought about this topic again until 2013 when I watched Chimamanda Adiche's Tedx talks titled 'We should all be feminist'. I became very interested in this movement and by this time I was used to google and I searched for more articles in relation to this topic. I made up my mind after reading these articles that this movement is definitely a movement I would love to be associated with. 

Because I was a feminist before I even knew what it meant. I have often questioned the disparity in the way society treats women and men.

I made this decision based on the information I gathered and it was not a decision I took lightly.

There are messed up definitions about this topic everywhere and I have come to understand when people say they do not understand what the movement is all about or honestly say they do not get the need for this movement.

I however get really pissed when people try to rubbish the movement or share their ignorant views like Toyin Aimakhu did when she said 'if there's gender equality now, so that means woman can propose to man and man can breast feed babies' or her fellow actress 

Foluke Daramola who claims to be a women's right activist had this to say "I'm sorry I don't think men and women should have equal rights in this case. I think the male should have more than the female, but it should be with proportion, maybe a ratio of 60 to 40. the reason why I think so is because we women tend to be extremely domineering when it comes to issues and sometimes sentimental. Men can be detailed even though we are sometimes. So, there are proportions in all these things. The role of a man can never be over emphasised. Even though I'm a women's rights activists, I still believe in the place of a woman and man. The man is supposed to be a step ahead of the woman; you can never take that away"

Now like I said earlier I do not have a problem with anyone who does not get it or does not get the need for the movement, I however have a problem when you just share ignorant views especially as a public figure who people actually listen to or if you have large followership on social media. Teenagers are on social media and I will hate for them not to be well informed about a movement as important as Feminism. These people have the platform to shed more light on the need for this movement if only they can use that website called 'Google'.

Feminism  has absolutely nothing to do with anybody's marriage, what works for me in my marriage might not necessarily work for even my sister. I believe a couple should make their rules in their marriage and as long as there is no resentment in the marriage, the world is a happy place.

If you are a religious person and your beliefs say "a man is the head of your family" then by all means practice that within your home but don't go around imposing that view on people or making it seem like a universal one.

I think the reason why we Africans are not comfortable with feminism is because we are so fixated on marriage and men. We have being taught over the years that without marriage, a woman amounts to nothing. Marriage is the greatest achievement a woman can ever have. Well, marriage is not. There is more to life than just getting married and having kids. I am aware that some women just want to get married,  have kids and be a stay at home mum. That is great!!! But if you want to do more than that, you should be allowed to do so.

One of the reasons, feminism advocates that financial responsibilities of a home be shared between the couple is because it gives the woman a leg to stand on when she says her man has to do his share of household chores, But if you have a system that works fine for your household- where the man pays all the household bills and you are comfortable doing all the house chores and chipping in a little here and there financially or you are not chipping in at all. As long as you both are happy and there is no resentment between the couple - Great. There is no inequality there.

Feminism comes into people's homes, culture and marriages when there is inequality, domestic violence and abuse.

When an under age girl is married off by adults who are expected to protect her, when the girl child undergoes genitals mutilation, the barbaric tradition of making a widow drink the water used in bathing the corpse of her husband to prove that she didn't kill him, when a woman is prevented from inheriting her late husband's properties or his children from inheriting their late father's properties because they are female, when the girl child is prevented from going to school simply because of her gender, when the girl child is required to conform to societal expectations there by limiting her skills and education to the kitchen and giving birth to children. These are some of the over one million reasons why feminism enters home and marriages.

The reason why it seems to focus more on women is because we live in a patriarchal society and women are most times the ones that are denied these rights based on gender.

Here is another definition of feminism by the urban dictionary

Feminism also by it's nature embraces the belief that all people are entitled to freedom and liberty within reason -including equal civil rights-and that discrimination should not be based on gender, sexual orientation, skin colour, ethnicity, religion, culture or lifestyle.

This means that Feminism respects everyone's culture, religion, belief as long as they do not cause harm to the next person and are legal.
Feminism is for both gender really because it provides choices. It allows a man to be a stay at home dad if he wants to, allows a man to be emotional without being called a wimp, allows a man to be a nurse, chef, ballet dancer and other profession that seem to be for women only.
This also means that a feminist will not scoff or laugh at your religious beliefs, sexual life, career decisions. Feminism gives everyone the right to live in their TRUTH. 

Men and Women can be Feminist. Barrack Obama recently called himself a feminist. The Canadian Prime minister also said he is a feminist.

People tend to mix gender role with  gender equality like the Olori of Ife did. I honestly respect people who admit not to be versed or knowledgeable about certain topics and steer away from it. I am unable to quote her because I can't bring myself to watch that video again else I might smash my phone, so I will just paraphrase.

She started her speech by saying she does not believe in gender equality, and that she cannot ask her husband to give her his crown to wear for a day. She went on to say she is a queen while he is a king, their roles are different, women play a pivotal role in the society so men and women are not equal and can never be equal.

Now, It is obvious that the Olori and the two actresses I quoted above are mixing gender roles with gender equality. Men and Women were created equally but are different because of their sexual parts. A woman has the biological ability to be pregnant because she has a womb and birth a child while the man has the biological ability to impregnate - that is all. We are equal

                                                    

Some time ago, Omotola - A Nigerian actress rubbished the fight for gender equality.
I am so sure that when these actresses feature in a lead role alongside a male actor they will not settle for a less salary oo. Yet they keep rejecting this movement forgetting that if not for gender equality, they won't be on screens or even have the right to pursue their passion without being part of a harem of wives. Ask Ogunde's wives. Special shout out to Mrs Funmilayo Ransome Kuti and other women's right activists who fought for our right to be able to drive, vote and go to school. The work they started is not over yet.

There are girls in the north that do not have the right to go to school. Schools are most times reserved for the male child and daughters of elite people, this is happening in 2016. There is a 12 year old girl in the north who is going to be married off in few days time. There is a 12 year old girl child in the north who just died while giving birth, There is a 14 year old girl who has fistula. There is a 12 year old girl who was raped and could not tell her parents because of fear that she will be blamed. There is a married girl child out there who is continually raped by her husband. There is a girl child who just gave birth to a baby and she died due to the stress from caring for an ailing child. Malala Yousafzai was shot in the face because she wanted to be educated - That is some people's reality. They cannot go to school freely, even if they want to.

There is a woman who just lost her child because her husband was not home to give her the go ahead to take their child to the hospital. There is a woman out there who just lost her life because no one could take her to the hospital because her husband is out of town. There is a man dead in the hospital because his harem of wives relied on him financially and are not empowered to take decisions concerning his healthcare in the hospital. There is a boy out there who desperately wants to be a make up artist but cannot because of what society will say. There are boys in the northern part of Nigeria who were born into poor families but are not entitled to education because they are not children of the elite - They go on to become almajiris.

There is a boy who just lost his dad and sister in a car crash but he is told not to cry because Men do not cry. He goes around with a repressed feeling and emotion. There is a father who desperately wants to hug his girls but society says a man should not be emotional. There is a man who wants to have relationship with his child but he is not allowed to do so because tradition insists he must marry the mother of his child, irrespective of how he feels towards her.

There is a girl who does not want to get married or have children, but society tells her it is impossible. There are women who desperately wants to leave an abusive marriage or relationship, but are scared of lack of emotional and financial support



Feminism is not about you in your perky and cute beautiful house with perfect lawn, children and cars. It is not about you who is happy being married to a man who beats and cheats on you but decides to stick with the marriage because he meets all your financial needs. It is not about you whose husband gives a black eye but takes solace in the fact that your next trip to Dubai and Paris is nicely paid for, It is not about you who is so desperate to be married that you have to conform to societal expectation of you, It is not about you who desperately needs a validation from a man so you compromise till all you have left is a bitter self - If you are happy being in all these situations, best believe feminism is not fighting for you at all.

It is not about me whose parents believed that I was entitled to education irrespective of gender. My dad believed we were entitled to education so much that he set up an education trust fund for us. It is not about me who by default my parents believed getting me educated means I could contribute to the betterment of my community as much as the next boy child. It is not about me who went to school and never lacked financial and emotional support from my parents. They ensured I was comfortable in school.

You see those girls and boys I wrote about above, the men and women, Feminism is about them. Some women fought for our rights to be able to come on social media to express our opinions. There are climes where women are not allowed to have an opinion. It is our turn now to fight for the rights of these people. Use your social media platform to enlighten people. There are impressionable teens out there hoping to find meaning to this movement.


Feminism advocates for access to education, healthcare for all children, equal pay for men and women, black and white. Feminism advocates for affordable childcare, so that caring for a child will not hinder a woman's right to progress in her chosen career or business.
Feminism advocates for men to be more involved in their children's lives and in the home.

I have heard supposedly learned women who strongly believe they are not equal to men. That is so wrong. You are equal but different.

If I have the same qualification as a man and we both apply for the same job, It will be unfair for anyone to disqualify me because of my gender.
My Parents denied themselves of some luxury just so that I can be well educated. I now look at them, after all their sacrifices and tell them that I do not think myself and the boy in my class are equal.
Why? They might ask and then I 'll say - It is because he is a boy I can't even imagine the expressions on their face




I was surprised to know that the British women had to fight for their rights to vote.
They got the rights to vote in 1918. If you live in the UK and you are supporting Hilary Clinton to become the first female president of the United States of America and you are against gender equality in Nigeria, you are a hypocrite.

In January 2012, I was barely 4 months pregnant, I fell ill and had to be on bed rest. I was paid my full salary from January till May. My maternity leave salary started in June when I had my baby. I was entitled to 9 months maternity leave and an option to add another 3 months. I was paid 90% of my salary for 8 weeks, and half for the rest of the 7 months. I was never scared that I was going to loose my job during maternity leave. When it was time for me to go back to work, I was asked to choose hours and times that suits me.

This benefit I enjoyed didn't just happen. Women fought for my right. My husband too was entitled to two weeks paid paternity leave with an option to use out his annual leave, if he so wish. He was entitled to go with me for ante natal appointment and he was paid. These benefits didn't just happen, some people advocated for this rights. This benefit encourages bonding between couple.

It will be great if this benefit exists in Nigeria too.

It will, if we all unite as one and advocate for gender equality, put an end to the bickering's, and stop getting involved in petty fights that will not enhance our cause. There is strength in our unity.

Let Us Rise Together

This definition of Feminism by Urban dictionary is for my friend Sumbo -

Feminism is the belief that all people are entitled to the same civil rights and liberties and can be intellectual equals regardless of gender. However, you should still hold the door for a feminist; this is known as respect or politeness and need have nothing whatever to do with gender discrimination

Living Amazed Journal - The Review

I actually started proper journaling after I graduated from University. I wanted to be able to write about life after graduation by documenting my daily experiences and thoughts at that moment on any issue. My entries were done at the end of each day not religiously though. I missed quite a number of days.

I stopped journaling in 2008 - blog post for another day.

Whenever I went through my note book just to see my past entries, I was in awe at how far I had come in life and it enabled the act of self reflection in my life. Self reflection has being a life long spiritual practice of mine, It helped me learn from experiences and aim to be a better person.

After I had my baby in 2015, I felt an emptiness and a strong desire to grow spiritually to fill the void I was feeling. I thought long and hard about practices that will enhance my spiritual life.

I came up with prayers and self reflection (of recent I discovered mindfulness - still working on that). I love to pray and I am a testament that prayers works. I knew in my heart that practicing these two will be difficult if not impossible without journaling. I bought note books to start journaling, but was unable to commit and as always, I came up with series of excuses why I was unable to and felt justified.

I never thought I was going to go back to journaling even after my friend and Life coach Detola published her journal. I didn't buy it then. My reason was that, I was never going to use it anyway. I participated in a Facebook food group competition some months ago and my surprise prize was the journal - Thank you Traycee. I was blown away by the beauty of this spiral bound book when it was delivered.

It comprises of  5 sections where you write :

Things you are grateful for -3
Things I would like to accomplish today
My declaration for today
I am praying for
Praise reports

There are also Bible verses and declarations on alternate pages.
There is also a page with a guide on how to use this journal.


I didn't start writing on the journal from the first day. I remembered starring at the part where I was supposed to write three things I was grateful for and I could not think of one spectacular thing. But I remembered what Oprah said about gratitude journal on one of her shows - if you cannot remember one thing to be grateful for, "be grateful for the air you breathe and the ability to do so on your own" so I wrote - I am grateful for the gift of life for myself and family'

That was my gratitude entry on the first four pages

I would have to thank my friend Ese. She shared her gratitude journal for the day on Facebook and it made me think for few minutes about things I was grateful for on that day. I remembered that my teenage sister had shared with me earlier on that day that she had gotten an internship position in a big company.
I was so happy about that and grateful that she knew that there was more to life than just taking selfies with a pouted mouth...........lol!!!

That was how it became a sort of ritual for me and it takes less than 15 minutes of my time in the mornings.

It has become  kinda therapeutic for me when after prayers and meditation in the morning, I fill out the sections 2,3 and 4. It helps me organise my day and work towards my goals. I start my day with an intent and purpose.

I use the note section to articulate my thoughts for the day. Share my worries and anxiety with God honestly and this helps me fill the praise report section at the end of the day.

There is also a sense of peace, contentment and accomplishment  I feel when I fill out the three things I am grateful for and praise report sections before going to bed. I tend to go to bed with a smile on my face.

Looking back at my entries from when I started till now fills me with a sense of gratitude for those little things that I used to take for granted before I started journaling.

Allow me to share one of my journal entries, I almost chopped off one of my fingers while chopping peppers on a Saturday morning, the knife I was using was new.  I had purchased it the previous day - It chopped off my nail instead. Thank God for long nails somebody!!!

If I had chopped off my finger that day, it would have ruined our plans of going to the zoo, I would have spent almost the whole day in the A& E maybe in pains or in horror at the sight of my blood. I thought about my kids, it would have scared them and so many other things came to mind......Phew!! I am grateful.

Gratitude has the power to transform lives, I worry less now and pray more as I remind myself of this quote by Steve Harvey - 'If you pray about it,don't worry about it'.


Journaling helps in the act of self reflection. Self reflection leads to self awareness and self awareness leads to living a more purposeful driven and spiritual life.

If you make the decision to start journaling today, you can use any type of journal really or notebook but I recommend this Living Amazed Journal because it is already divided into sections - which makes it easy to use. It is packed with declarations and bible verses to see you through the day, It is colourful and looks really stylish.

You can click HERE to purchase one and If you are still in doubt about if Journaling is right or wrong for you, Read this ebook on journaling by Detola  HERE

I really hope you make the decision to start journaling today and I hope you notice a positive and  significant change in your life.

Best Wishes
Bola Awe