Woman,In the meantime,embrace your singleness

The way people look down and sneer at a woman for being single at a certain age is appalling. Being single now seems like a disease or an evil spirit that needs deliverance. I have seen some church flyers with captions like - God deliver me from the spirit of singlehood. Some Pastors are known to ask single women in the church to do the most ridiculous things all in the hopes of getting married. Society, religion and culture keeps heaping pressure on single ladies on the need to get married and frowns at those who do not want to get married at all.

Such unnecessary pressure leads to desperation and the troubling hunt for The one, the one that completes me. I have always being sceptical about the one. It seems so unrealistic. There are over 7 billion people in the world, so the thought that just one person is meant for me seems like a myth of some sort. I never believed in it. The thought that a partner completes us is also a myth. Hollywood and Nollywood sure did a number on us by producing films that depicts the myth. If only they are aware of how that myth messed us up. No one completes us, we were already created complete. A partner does not complete us. There are sisters who do not want to get married, do we say those sisters are not complete? I don't think so.

Leaving everything on hold while waiting in anticipation for The one can be so emotionally draining, frustrating and distracting. Instead of doing that, why don't you just live in the present and enjoy your life.

Embrace your status. Do not let anyone's thoughts and expectations of you pull you down into a pit of depression.

Do not seek validation from anyone, because get this - once you start seeking validation from people, it never ends and you will end up an unhappy person. Do not be a people pleaser.

Society, religion and cultural expectations of women never ends, it is a continuing process and whatever you do, you will be damned anyway.

So block your ears from the  naysayers, it can be difficult but please do and always remember this powerful quote

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent - Eleanor Roosevelt

You alone have the power to make people treat you badly, do not give anyone that power.

Here are suggestions of what to do In the meantime, before you meet the man of your dreams and get married -

Move outta your parents home - Living on your own increases your ability to be all round independent. If you cannot afford it, then do not move out, but try to start being independent especially financially. If you are comfortable in your parents home and they are not always up in your business, this advise isn't for you. If your parents are always up in your business, restrict your movement, please move out and start living on your own.

Get to know yourself and Love yourself

Do not compromise on the qualities you expect from a man. Now when I say qualities, I do not necessarily mean physical, but if that is your thing then by all means roll with it. I mean behavioural qualities. I would not be involved with a man who is uncouth, cheats, disrespects me, my family and friends, constantly takes our private fights to the public and blames everyone but himself for mistakes, claims to know about everything but truly knows nothing .....I hope you get my drift? These are important behavioural standards that I would not compromise on.

Caroline Myss, an author sheds more light on Compromise
Do not compromise to the extent where you are put in a position of betraying yourself. Every choice is either going to enhance or drain your spirit. so if you have been compromised to the point where you feel drained or depleted, then you have betrayed yourself.

Do not attempt to change anybody to what you expect from them. It is not only wrong, it is impossible. The only person you have absolute right and power to change is yourself. So it's either you are willing to accept the person's flaw or just walk away. Like Iyanla Vanzant said - Love does not fix or change, when you get into a relationship with somebody and you have to start fixing or changing them, know that you are in lust

If you believe in God, get to know him on your own. Do not let any Man or Woman of God manipulate you with their understanding of the Bible. Study it and lean on your own understanding. Develop a one on one relationship with God, he is accessible to us all.

Start a gratitude journal - That way you are able to appreciate the little things you take for granted.  Be grateful for each day and every experience because they are all paths leading you to the right direction. Being grateful and having an open mind is good for the soul and makes you develop a great relationship with God.

Travel alone - Except it is work related, travelling on your own might be difficult to accomplish once you get married and have children.

Develop the habit of reading and be informed about things going on around you. Reading has a way of making you open minded and knowledgeable. Ignorance isn't bliss

Make a list of things you would like to do - It might be learning how to dance, skydiving, learning how to ride a bike, drive a car. I met a single lady recently and she told me she made a list of things she wanted to do to celebrate her single life in October 2015. She had just clocked 30 then. I was amazed at the list, It was so cool and fun filled. Travelling was one of them and she has visited 3 countries since then, she plans to travel to Singapore to celebrate her 31st birthday alone. I was wowed. You can also make a great list and add whatever you want on it, progress in career, acquiring more professional qualifications, starting a business, the list is endless.

Attend a week long or weekend event about something you are passionate about and enjoy it. It could be a book or food fair.


Develop your relationship with friends and family. Offer assistance when you can, Be there for them. Get involved in your church or community activities with the aim of helping people. Give people your time.

Do something new regularly.

Don't  miss out on the beautiful opportunities around you. Celebrate every moment of your life and do not think for a second that because you choose to celebrate and embrace your singleness you will remain single for forever, NO!!
If it is your desire to get married, don't sweat it, don't scheme or engage in manipulative tactics. You will find someone or vice versa.

If it is your desire not to get married, Nne your desire is legit and valid. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Live and enjoy your life to the fullest.

Always remember You are enough and complete.

Best Wishes
Bola Awe

Cheers to an Awesome August

How time flies!!! We are already in the month of August. Whoop!! Whoop!! I love August because, first of all, the premier league football returns, that means no more boring weekends. It also signifies that Christmas is just around the corner and it is mine and other members of my family's birthday month.  My teenage sibling's birthday is on the 11th of August, My dad's on the 27th, a very lovely lady who I describe as a sister-friend, her birthday is on the 28th and mine is on the 29th. It is a birthday packed month.

I am also excited about this month because my older son who is 4 years old starts proper nursery known as reception next month. So we are busy preparing for his resumption, making sure we get all his school items ready in time for September. It is a milestone I look forward to. I can't wait for his first day in school.

July was such a busy and unorganised month for me and I must apologise for my inability to review the book for July, it was due to lack of being organised on my part. I was even unable to finish reading the book. I will however to do that this month and subsequently review it. The month of July came with it's challenges and I overcame. I had a health scare but I was given an all clear by the doctor. My nephew had a surgery and it was a success - Thank God.

Serena Williams finally matched Steffi Graf's record of winning 22 grand slam titles, It was a remarkable moment for everyone around the world. I almost cried when she recited Maya's poem 'Still I Rise'....... Wow!! It was so powerful.

Andy Murray - The No 1 Men's British Tennis player also won his second Wimbledon title, I actually cried when he did. It was also a remarkable moment especially for British tennis.

I was gifted a book titled Son Of My Father by the author Tosin  Olukuade, I hope to do a review of the book soon, I have read few pages and I am loving it.

I was finally able to go for a spa weekend with a couple of friends and  we enjoyed every minute of it. We had so much fun dining, wining, getting massaged and getting all sorts of body and facial treatments. It was restful as well and we were able to catch up with what was going on in our lives.
We had planned that after dinner at the hotel's restaurant, we would go to the cinema, but we were so tired and all we wanted to do was just catch up and go to bed.
After a full English breakfast the next day, we had our massage and all kind of body treatment and just lounged in the hotel lobby till in the evening when we went to a restaurant in the town for dinner. We barely remembered to take pictures. We just wanted to enjoy the scenery and bask in the moment without kids screaming and demanding for our attention. It was bliss.

When I got home, Le' hubs and the kids gave me big hugs and kisses. They missed me. My older son even said to me - 'Mummy, you are my best friend'.....awwwwwww!!! That gladdened my heart. I had fun telling anyone who cared to listen how I am now my son's best friend.

On Monday, while getting him ready for school, I asked him if I was his best friend and he said 'Eeeerrm No'!!! 'So who is your best friend'? I asked and he said 'Sophie'. Sophie is actually his best friend but I replaced her for a day because he missed me. Sophie is back to her position......Lol! It was fun while it lasted anyway.

As this is my Birthday month, I plan to give a gift to an ardent reader of my blog.. She has never missed any of my blog post and I am super glad and chuffed to have her as a supporter. I plan to do the same to another ardent reader in December, this is because December is my favourite month of the year - It's Christmas month after all. So If you would like to be a recipient of this gift, be sure to subscribe, read and drop your comment on the blog regularly. Thank you

She will be revealed at the end of the month.
My birthday gift has started rolling in, I bought myself a voucher that entitles me to a full spa day, looking forward to it.

I hope and pray that this month will be a blessed one for us all.

Cheers to an Awesome August!!

WOMAN, LOVE THY SELF

I made a post on a topic Woman, Know Thy Self, this is a follow up on the post. Now that you have known a little bit more about yourself, the next step is to love yourself as you are, right now. Then look at your answers and tell your self some real truth about things you would like to change about yourself, you alone are able to change it and then love yourself some more.

Now when I talk about effecting changes in your life, I mean behavioural changes, that will bring about self improvement not physical changes.

It is not safe or advisable for you to wait to attain certain physical spec before you begin to love yourself. Love your body as it is now and If you feel you need to lose weight or have a low hair cut or grow a long hair, or have an acne free skin, do it because of yourself alone not in the hopes of getting anyone else to love you for those physical attributes. This is because we as human beings are subject to physical changes and we do ourselves a great disservice when we try to keep up to a loved one's physical attributes expectations of us. It is wrong and we deny ourselves the liberty of living in our TRUTH.

When you love yourself, it becomes easy to accept another person's love for you

It is important to love yourself to be able to love others. The Bible even attests to the fact that loving oneself is the greatest commandment. Mark 12 verse 31- Love your neighbour as yourself. So loving someone else more than you love yourself can be considered deceitful and a lie.

For instance, staying in an abusive relationship or marriage for the sake of children, family members or the thoughts of what people will say is a sin before God because it goes to show you love and put others first before your self.

Iyanla Vanzant made a statement in one of her Life class sessions with Oprah Winfrey and it just puts things to perspective for me - 'How you treat yourself is how you treat God, so you are putting God last when you put other people ahead of you because you are the representative of God in your life'
She went on to add - 'When you give to others to the degree that you sacrifice yourself, you make the other person a thief because they are stealing from you what you need and they don't even know it'

I hope this becomes an Aha moment for someone reading this today as it was for me when I first heard it.
So the excuses people give to justify staying in an abusive relationship is wrong. Love does not hurt, It liberates, it encourages peace of mind and wellbeing.

Love yourself without expectations

Love yourself enough to be able to take charge of your life

Love yourself enough to avoid putting yourself in precarious situations.

Love yourself enough to pursue your dream, to live the life you desire.

Love yourself enough to be content with what you have, knowing fully well that as long as you are alive, you can get what you want eventually.

Love yourself enough to walk away from toxic people and friendships.

Love yourself enough to be able to walk away from that relationship that threatens your sanity and life.

Love yourself enough to walk away from any riches or fame that puts your life at risk - Tina Turner is a case in point.

She had a choice of either staying in the abusive marriage with Iyke Turner or to walk away. She would have continued using excuses such as ; she worked her socks off to get them all the money they had at that time, bla bla bla but she walked away from it all - The financial security and fame. Tina Turner chose her sanity and wellbeing instead.

I am sure you have heard this popular statement  'Love makes the world go round' - It is true. This world will be a much better and safer place if we all as individuals come from a place of love and It is possible, we just have to start loving ourselves right now.

Choose Love, make that conscious decision right now.

Best Wishes
Bola Awe

WOMAN, KNOW THY SELF.

Knowing one's self is imperative especially for women in this day and age. We are constantly barraged with societal and cultural expectations of us, the media too constantly shows us how a perfect woman's body should be like, Pastors and older women constantly remind us of how we are expected to behave and how if we fall short, we are bound to end up alone and miserable.

And because we have an innate desire to please people and to be accepted,we tend to conform to these expectations there by living a lie and having an unhappy life. We literarily allow other people to define who we are.
When we allow people to define who we are, we allow them to put us in a box. A limited box, because no one will put you in a box and still allow you to fly and freely express yourself.

Our first job in life as women is to get to know ourselves. - Michelle Obama

This helps us in making life decisions to suit us, and standing our grounds on not conforming to expectations, we also get to know our self worth and self value.
It is impossible to know yourself in one day, It is a continuous process, just like learning.


How to know yourself -
Through self reflection, think about your actions regularly especially the ones that you know, you should or could have done better.
Ask yourself questions regularly and answer truthfully. It is futile for you to lie to yourself. It does more harm than good.

Questions like these are helpful

When were you born?
What do you feel about your age?
Do you consider yourself beautiful?
What part of your body do you love?
Do you hate any part of your body?
What do you love to do?
What do you do for fun?
What upsets you?
What Scares you?
What motivates you?
What is your preferred method of communication?
Do you love to debate on issues?
Do you take those debates personally?
Are you a sensitive person?
What kind of person are you attracted to?
What are the qualities you want in a partner?
What are your talents?
What are you passionate about?
What career or business path are you interested in?
Do you like to set goals for yourself and work towards it or just go with the flow?
How do you take feedback and criticism?
When do you want to retire?
What do you want to do after you retire?
How do you learn and How do you teach?
Are you comfortable in your loneliness?
Are you a morning or evening person?
Do you love your present Job?
Are you ambitious?
Do you care about what people say about you?
Do you suffer insecurities or are totally confident in yourself?
Do you desire validations from friends and family?
What is your relationship like with your parents?
Does the type of relationship you have with either of your parents influence your career path or love life?
Do you want to get married?
Do you think marriage should be a partnership?
Do you desire children?
What does compromise in a relationship mean to you?
Do you forgive easy?
Do you offend easy?
Do you like being around family?
Do you love to do house chores?
Are you an outdoor or indoor person?
Do you think financial responsibilities should be shared between couple?
Do you think household chores should be shared between couple?
Do you think Childcare should be shared between couple?

You can add more questions.

If you are able to answer some or all of these questions truthfully, you are well on the right path to knowing your self.

Self knowledge leads us to live a happy and fulfilled life and lack of it opens us to constant mistakes and a life filled with drama

For instance I trust easy, I can be annoyingly naïve when it comes to relationship. I give my best in every relationship and expect the best from people. In the past I have been cheated on right under my nose and I didn't even know. I don't do conspiracy theories well and I am not good at being a Sherlock Holmes, so I always wanted a drama free relationship with a honest partner who has my interest at heart. That singular knowledge was able to shield me from making a huge mistake in my love life.

The root of every dysfunction in the life of a woman is always in the lack of self worth or value - Oprah Winfrey

Lack of self worth or value stems from lack of knowing one's self

I encourage every woman, girl to get to know herself to avoid living a life of deceit. Society, Culture and Religion do not mean us well and are not obliged to. You owe it to yourself to live in your TRUTH


Anybody pretending to be anything other than who you are , you will never ever reach your personal potential - Oprah Winfrey

Is it your desire to reach your personal potential? If your answer to this question is YES, please know yourself.

Best Wishes
Bola Awe