So I recently watched Kemi Adetiba's King Woman series again and I found them really resonating. One of the reasons I fell in love with this series was, apart from the fact that I love listening to stories of successful women, Kemi was able bring out the best in them. They were vunerable and very candid while sharing their stories. Their stories had depth. On the whole, the series was a brilliant one.
As it is with people's life experiences, you should take the parts that resonates with you and keep it moving. The interview that stood out for me was the one with Ayodeji Megbope. It was the most powerful interview in that series and a perfect example of the sayings that "Never allow your past to dictate your future" "Never give up" "Believe in yourself"
Another one that resonated with me was the one with Remi Fagbohun and that is the crux of this blog post.
First of all, a little background on Remi Fagbohun. She was born in the US with her sister. Life then as described by her was very lovely. Her mum was a trained dietician and her dad was a student. They moved back to Nigeria in 1984 to set up a family business which according to Remi was a unique business idea that was bound to do well, they had all the logistics in place to start off their business but her dad was swayed by friends and family to join politics and he abandoned the business idea. Her dad was appointed as a commissioner in ondo state, he moved to Akure for his work, her mum stayed back in Lagos to start up the business but it was difficult for her to make headway as her husband that was supposed to be a partner in the business has gone off in pursuit of his own career.
After her dad joined politics, he got involved with women and this affected his marriage. Her mum on the other hand did all she could to fight for her marriage. Put aside her business and moved to Akure, fighting for her marriage took a toll on her and she became cranky with her kids.
According to Remi, the vibe she got from her mum was that her mum didn't like her. The situation got so bad that her mum was disrespected not only by her dad but by his family. This didn't deter her mum from continously seeking validation from her in-laws and they never gave it to her. Her mum gave birth to more children in a desperate attempt to gain her dad's attention all to no avail. She then sought after a herbalist who gave her a love portion to add to her husband's meal. On the verge of adding it to her husband's meal, Remi walked in on her and she told her dad and his family that her mum wanted to kill him. A meeting was called with all the other family members present and her mum was sent out of the house. After that, she was finally able to see her dad for who he was, he was rarely at home and was always cranky as well and didn't give herself and her siblings as much attention as she expected. You can watch the rest of the interview Here
She explained in detail her relationship with her mum after that episode, and life afterwards.
What I want to point out is how she resolved that she will never put herself in a position or situation where she will seek validation from anyone like her mum did. Upon self reflection she was able to realise that her mum's crankiness was due to the circumstances surrounding her marriage. And this lesson she was able to take from her parents marriage played a pivotal role in choosing her spouse and it also shaped her into being the success that she is today and I think that's amazing. She also added that another lesson she got from her upbringing was to try as much as possible to shield her child from any personal troubles she is going through and to only share with her child if he/she is older.
She got that lesson by paying attention , observing and reflecting and these are what we ought to do in life. Pay attention to every experience around you because that is one of the ways we can resolve to be and do better.
I paid attention to my parents marriage, to my past relationships, I observed and practiced self reflection and I resolved that when the time comes for me to get married it has to be with someone who believes in equality in marriage, someone who sees life almost as how I see and one who is willing to evolve.
Oprah said something I found so profound in one of her Lifeclasses -
"Listening to your life as it whispers to you first so it does not have to knock you upside the head with a brick or come crashing down on you as a brick wall is one of the greatest principle of life" She continues
"There are many things that happen in life that are beyond our control: natural disasters, death, unexplained events, But there are also many, many, many things in life which we can control and become out of control because you’re just not paying attention. You are sleepwalking through your life.”
She further explained that "Life whispers to you all the time, Your life is speaking to you all around, from the time you wake up in the morning, in every single experience that's coming into your personal space into your physical space all of those experiences are speaking to you they are telling you something about your life and about your circumstances. It whispers and if you don't get the whispers, the whispers gets louder, if you don't get the whisper when it gets louder, I call it like a little pebble --a little thump- upside the head. The pebble or the thump upside the head usually means it's gone into a problem"
She went on to say if the problem is not paid attention to, the pebble turns into a brick and the brick upside the head is a crisis, if the crisis is not paid attention to the crisis turns into a disaster and the whole house comes tumbling down.
To avoid getting hit upside the head with a brick, it is important to pay attention to life's experiences, learn from them all and aim to be better,d o better to avoid tumbling down of the house.
As you resolve to pay attention to life's experiences and lessons. I wish success in all your endeavours .
Best Wishes
Bola Awe
