One of the reasons I love this book by Sheryl is because She was not scared to write about her vulnerability, fears, worries as a woman and a working mother.Contrary to the negative reviews I have read about this book and it's author, She does not come across to me as a standoffish kind of woman who knows it all, but she comes across as someone who empathises with the challenges women face at work and she is passionate about helping them to dare to dream big and work towards achieving their dreams.
There was evidence that a lot of research went into this book to prove that sexism still exists in the workplace
She acknowledged the fact that not all women in every part of the world have access to education or laws that favours the girl child, so she describes herself and other women who find themselves in favourable climes as being fortunate.
She also acknowledged Feminists who paved the way for her and on whose back she rode to become who and what she is.
Lean In is not about balancing life, work and career. It is mainly about the challenges faced by women in reaching their career goals and how these challenges can be overcome.
She started off this book by pointing out that she does not have answers to all questions or solutions to all challenges women face, but she was going to share personal stories and experiences and hope that everyone who reads this book will have learnt or gained something.
In this book, I saw similarities in expectations everyone had for the girl child In some parts of America and some parts of Nigeria.
Even though Sheryl was from a privileged background and well educated with educated parents, the expectations her family had of her as a girl child was to go to school and then get married afterwards, irrespective of if she was ready or not.
She got married and was divorced after a year.
She got married and was divorced after a year.
The author posted this question at the end of the first chapter, 'What will you do if you weren't afraid?
Read my personal reaction to the above question HERE
This chapter unravelled the fact that FEAR is one of the hindrance factors most women face - Fear of being a bad mother/ daughter/ wife. Fear of being a failure, of not being liked and being judged. Fear of coming across as an arrogant person, The list goes on and on
She also wrote about gender stereotypes. She gave an example about herself and how when she was a kid, she used to coordinate plays for her siblings, made them follow her around and act like a sort of leader. But she was described as being Bossy and that word would not have being used to describe her if she was a boy as it was expected of a male child to lead.
The girl child should be encouraged to be ambitious and not to be labelled as Bossy when she shows leadership traits
Gender stereotypes in the films we watch and I can really relate to that,. Films most times portrays women as being unable to have it all. Women are also often portrayed as being hopeless romantics. A woman cannot have a great career or business and a successful family, she has to let go of one to get the other, In these films, men are most times portrayed as the sole breadwinner with an ego that must not be bruised.
Women are constantly portrayed as the one expected to compromise on career
It may not be dramatic or funny to make a movie about a woman who loves both her Job and family, but that would be a better reflection of reality. We need more portrayals of women and competent professionals and happy mothers -- or happy professionals and competent mothers. The current negative image may make us laugh, but they make women unnecessarily fearful by presenting life's challenges as insurmountable. Our culture remains baffled ; I don't know how she does it all
Women are often asked how do you do it all? and Men are not asked this question. This reminds me of Chimaamanda Adiche's commencement speech at the university of Wesley, where she encouraged that the guilt be shared equally. That question, in addition to making a woman feel like she must be a super woman, also makes her feel guilty as a working mum. It would be great if this guilt is shared equally with the working dads
The book also highlighted that gender stereotype affects men as well. Men and Women react to the news of a man leaving the workforce to be a stay at home dad with so much shock at first then disgust. Even when Men take the kids to the park or play group, other mums hardly interact with him - I am guilty of this. I have being to several play groups with my child and some kids are brought in by their dads. All the time, the women are in small groups making small talks while the men are individually on their own just staring.
My behaviour and thoughts towards this has changed over the years, but more significantly since reading this book.
A male colleague of mine, told me three weeks ago he was leaving work to be a stay at home dad. My first response before would have being 'are you sure this is the right thing to do'? But I encouraged him and told him he will cope just fine. The truth is he already has his fears and doubt about this new path, so there was no need for me to further instigate it, the best thing I could have given him was to encourage him and he was so thankful for this.
The author also encourages women to 'Sit at the table' - consider themselves worthy of the role they play towards the successful running of an organisation. Take credit, be proud of their achievement, have confidence and belief in their ability to be competent at work. Seize opportunities at the work place. Don't be arrogant or boastful
I believe that all of us - men and women alike - should acknowledge good fortunes and thank the people who have helped us. No one accomplishes anything alone
Women are most times thought to be naturally compassionate, show empathy at all times and when they fall short of that they are regarded as being hard to work with or for. This is true. Most women who are CEO of their organisation have being described as Bitches or Bossy
She gave credence to this by sighting the Heidi/Howard study. Professors came up with a case study about a real life entrepreneur named Heidi.
Heidi was described as a successful entrepreneur who became one by using her outgoing personality and large professional network. The class was divided into two and Heidi's name was changed to Howard for one part of the class and the other class read her story with her real name. Both groups agreed that both of them were accomplished and professional but on likeability, Howard was likeable while Heidi seemed arrogant and will not be easy to work with or for.
Women do not like to talk about their achievement because they might be less liked and considered to be arrogant. She concluded that - when a man is successful, he is well liked. When a woman does well, people like her less
She ended the chapter by quoting her Boss at Facebook Mark Zuckerberg
He said, when you want to change things, you can't please everyone. If you do please everyone, you aren't making enough progress.
This is one of my favourite quotes in the book
'Careers are a jungle gym not a ladder, a jungle gym provides great views for many people, not just those at the top. On a ladder, most climbers are stuck staring at the butt of the person above'
This means that career progression does not have to be in an upward movement, it can be sideways or even tipsy turvy. She also advised that - and this I believe is for both men and women, Not to draw a career path for themselves. Just go on with the flow as one would in a jungle gym, you see an opportunity, take it because at the end of the day, almost all path will lead you to the top of your career.
She encouraged women to explore other organisations , other roles and to apply for Jobs even without prior experience and endeavour to learn on the Job.
She encouraged women to explore other organisations , other roles and to apply for Jobs even without prior experience and endeavour to learn on the Job.
That quote gave further credence to this popular Yoruba proverb which is literally translated as 'There are so many roads that lead to the market'
I particularly love this analogy used in the book by the founders of Negotiating women, Inc. It was described as the 'Tiara syndrome' 'where women expects that If they keep doing their Job well, someone will recognise them and place a tiara on their head - I can so relate to this.
At my former place of work, I was diligent and excellent at my work and I was a tad disappointed when I was not informed by my line manager about an internal vacancy that was put up by her. Someone else applied for this Job and got it. I had a word with her and she said I never made my intention known about progressing in my career. I thought that was a given, I mean who does not want to progress in their career. I thought she was going to recommend me for the Job or even told me about the vacancy. She didn't because I never made my intention known. I am not oblivious to the fact that some promotions are actually offered. It is however best to find out what works in your organisation and apply it
She encouraged women to take risks, challenges and ask for promotion when they deserve it because like that tiara it might never be offered.
Constructive criticisms and feedbacks are important for anyone interested in being successful. Take every criticism on board and work on areas that need to be worked on.
I asked my line manager for feedback on my work few weeks ago and I was glad to hear that he thinks that I do a brilliant job, but he would like me to be more of a team player, to be part of the team.
I knew that was true about me, I love to work alone. I took that on board and I am working on it. I will ask for feedback in three months time, hopefully a significant progress will be noticed.
She encouraged women to be truthful to themselves, go with their instincts and guts. Be opened to feedbacks
The author also encouraged women not to be quick to ask senior women in their line of career to mentor them. According to her, it is awkward. She quoted Oprah as saying 'I mentor when I see something and say 'I want to see that grow'.
I personally think that no one rule applies to all. In some case you gotta ask and In some, It might be a bit desperate and awkward.
Sheryl is seen in this book advocating for fair work place policies that will encourage women to continue working even after they have had kids. She advocated for subsidised child care cost and flexible working systems. The men were not left out in her advocacy. She advocated that men should get paid paternity leave as well -same time as women, to encourage men to do their share of child care and house hold chores.
She encouraged women not to be influenced by peer pressure or societal expectations into doing what they are not ready for, advised that the same encouragement given to women who leave the workforce due to childcare be given to women who intend to stay after having children.
I live in the UK and I must say that going back to work for me after my first child was relatively easy. My friends and family encouraged me, the support I got from colleagues was heart warming. I was asked my preferred work hours and it was approved without fuss.
I particularly love this analogy used in the book by the founders of Negotiating women, Inc. It was described as the 'Tiara syndrome' 'where women expects that If they keep doing their Job well, someone will recognise them and place a tiara on their head - I can so relate to this.
At my former place of work, I was diligent and excellent at my work and I was a tad disappointed when I was not informed by my line manager about an internal vacancy that was put up by her. Someone else applied for this Job and got it. I had a word with her and she said I never made my intention known about progressing in my career. I thought that was a given, I mean who does not want to progress in their career. I thought she was going to recommend me for the Job or even told me about the vacancy. She didn't because I never made my intention known. I am not oblivious to the fact that some promotions are actually offered. It is however best to find out what works in your organisation and apply it
She encouraged women to take risks, challenges and ask for promotion when they deserve it because like that tiara it might never be offered.
Constructive criticisms and feedbacks are important for anyone interested in being successful. Take every criticism on board and work on areas that need to be worked on.
I asked my line manager for feedback on my work few weeks ago and I was glad to hear that he thinks that I do a brilliant job, but he would like me to be more of a team player, to be part of the team.
I knew that was true about me, I love to work alone. I took that on board and I am working on it. I will ask for feedback in three months time, hopefully a significant progress will be noticed.
She encouraged women to be truthful to themselves, go with their instincts and guts. Be opened to feedbacks
The author also encouraged women not to be quick to ask senior women in their line of career to mentor them. According to her, it is awkward. She quoted Oprah as saying 'I mentor when I see something and say 'I want to see that grow'.
I personally think that no one rule applies to all. In some case you gotta ask and In some, It might be a bit desperate and awkward.
Sheryl is seen in this book advocating for fair work place policies that will encourage women to continue working even after they have had kids. She advocated for subsidised child care cost and flexible working systems. The men were not left out in her advocacy. She advocated that men should get paid paternity leave as well -same time as women, to encourage men to do their share of child care and house hold chores.
She encouraged women not to be influenced by peer pressure or societal expectations into doing what they are not ready for, advised that the same encouragement given to women who leave the workforce due to childcare be given to women who intend to stay after having children.
I live in the UK and I must say that going back to work for me after my first child was relatively easy. My friends and family encouraged me, the support I got from colleagues was heart warming. I was asked my preferred work hours and it was approved without fuss.
She talked about her husband Dave, on how he was a real partner and did his share of the chores at home and with childcare. He was her friend, supported her and was a hands on dad. They had an awesome partnership filled with love and sacrifice.
David Sandberg however died some time in May last year.
I pray God continues to comfort Sheryl and their children and May his soul continue to rest in peace.
She shared about her life now without him and made a lovely post about gratitude. Read HERE
I pray God continues to comfort Sheryl and their children and May his soul continue to rest in peace.
She shared about her life now without him and made a lovely post about gratitude. Read HERE
The issue of getting the right partner cannot be overly emphasised enough, communication is key to an awesome partnership and doing what works best for your family. It is also important to establish the pattern of your relationship from the onset. That way there is little or no room for resentment.
I love this statement in the book
I love this statement in the book
When it comes time to settle down, find someone who wants equal partner.
Someone who thinks women should be smart, opinionated and ambitious.
Someone who values fairness and expects or, even better, wants to do his share in the home.
Someone who thinks women should be smart, opinionated and ambitious.
Someone who values fairness and expects or, even better, wants to do his share in the home.
These men exist and trust me, over time, nothing is sexier
I totally agree, I should know. I am married to one of such men.
She advised against discrimination of people's personal choices, not every woman wants to get married and have children, some men want to be stay at home dads, midwifes, nurses, chef e.t.c. People's vulnerabilities and life choices should be respected.
Mums at workplace should not burden their colleagues who do not have kids with their own work load because they have children and the other colleague does not. The lady colleague who is not married or has kids is entitled to her own privacy and life.
Women should aspire to top positions, know and understand their limits while working their way to the top
Women who are also highly placed in the organisation should pave way for other women, advocate for suitable working conditions for other women making their way to the top.
She gave an example of how when she was pregnant, she asked for a parking lot for pregnant women so they do not have to walk the long distance from the normal car park space
Gender wars need to stop - women fighting one another is going to stall the fight towards gender equality. The war of mums too need to stop. We are not in a competition. Stay at home mums should not feel they are better than working mums and vice versa.
A good mother based on current standard is one who is always around her children, this just puts undue pressure on the working mother.
She made a compelling statement - 'Being judged against the current all-consuming standard means that mothers who work outside the home feel as if we are failing, even if we are spending the same number of hours with our kids as our mothers did'
She advised against discrimination of people's personal choices, not every woman wants to get married and have children, some men want to be stay at home dads, midwifes, nurses, chef e.t.c. People's vulnerabilities and life choices should be respected.
Mums at workplace should not burden their colleagues who do not have kids with their own work load because they have children and the other colleague does not. The lady colleague who is not married or has kids is entitled to her own privacy and life.
Women should aspire to top positions, know and understand their limits while working their way to the top
Women who are also highly placed in the organisation should pave way for other women, advocate for suitable working conditions for other women making their way to the top.
She gave an example of how when she was pregnant, she asked for a parking lot for pregnant women so they do not have to walk the long distance from the normal car park space
Gender wars need to stop - women fighting one another is going to stall the fight towards gender equality. The war of mums too need to stop. We are not in a competition. Stay at home mums should not feel they are better than working mums and vice versa.
A good mother based on current standard is one who is always around her children, this just puts undue pressure on the working mother.
She made a compelling statement - 'Being judged against the current all-consuming standard means that mothers who work outside the home feel as if we are failing, even if we are spending the same number of hours with our kids as our mothers did'
In the last chapter she emphasised on women supporting one another and working together towards gender equality.
She quoted Madeline Albright's 'There is a special place in hell for women who don't help one another'
It is great for women to support one another, to not see one another as a competition. It is cool to have more than one woman on a board of director, it pushes our movement towards gender equality further and helps our cause.
On my first day at my current place of work, I had butterflies in my tummy because I was scared the ladies I was going to work with, might see me as some sort of competition and not be helpful. I was wrong, till date, they are the best colleagues one could hope for. Very professional and friendly. It made settling down at my new place of work relatively easy for me.
She ended the book by saying she hopes our children will be able to make choices without influence from society and these children be respected and supported irrespective of their choices.
Overall, this book is highly recommended for working and self employed women and for men who will love to see their partners pursue their dreams.
It was a great read and Sheryl Sandberg is my new Woman crush
